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The Last Bastion of America's Liberal Media

Aug 9, 2004

Turd of the Week

George Bush, "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."
GWB Aug 5, 2004

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Blabbering Bush Head

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Re-election
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Iraq War Cost
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Civilian casualties update
This data is an accounting of civilian deaths in Iraq to date.
See Iraqbodycount.net for statistical methodologies



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Growing fat off juicy Iraqi rebuildin' contracts. Did you know the bin Laden group is one of our top investors?


screw all the other stockholders, we're cashing out!


Hey, what do you know? We make money from American militarily screwed up countries in the Middle East!


We're already negotiating with the “new Iraqi democracy” for oil rights!


Selling weapons all over the globe to ensure civilian death and instability which in turn ensures a strong market for years and years...

EMERGENCY!!! ORANGE ALERT!!!
The Democrats just finished their convention and are now prepared to take their message to the American peo... WE INTERRUPT THIS ANNOUNCEMENT TO INFORM YOU ABOUT 4 YEAR OLD DATA ON TERROR THREATS TO AMERICA... Senators Johns Kerry and Edwards have begun sharing their proposed vision with citizens of... DIDN'T YOU HEAR THE NEWS?!?!?!? AL QAEDA HAS FLOORPLANS FOR SEVERAL NEW YORK SKYSCRAPERS THAT THEY'VE HELD SINCE BEFORE 9/11... Questioning the President's assertion that America has "turned the corner" Presidential hopeful John Kerry has... OH MY FUCKING GOD!!! HERE COMES SADDAM BIN LADEN HIMSELF WEARING A HALO OF M-80s INTENT ON BLOWING UP WAL-MART!!!!

Testing the most hardened anti-conspiracy buffs among us, Bush is clearly just pulling terror alerts out of his ass (carefully avoiding his head along the way) as attention is focused on his opponent. The long atrophied Crayola-based terror alert system has been revived to color code the level of intended public hysteria. Somehow, we are supposed to become convinced that Bush is doing something about terror if we're repeatedly reminded how little he's done.

So, as one of our many contributions to public safety and informatization of the citizenality, Sickofthiscrap.com debuts the Re-election Threat Level Alert System. A series of colors will be associated with the level of threat currently leveled at the Bush re-coronation effort. Just check the upper right corner of our weekly rag to find out the imminence of this week's threat to the ongoing hegemony of Bush's righteous reign.

We Elected the Wrong Ronald Reagan
Normally, we do not outlink to other competing publications, especially fledgling weblogs like Esquire Magazine. However, one recent article really captures our feelings on the current Presidential debacle. We cannot avoid linking this brilliantly scathing analysis, even without considering the author is the namesake and lamkin on none other than Ronald Wilson Reagan, without whom American conservatism would have arguably died a stuffy and uneventful death sometime after John Anderson's 3rd term.

Check it out

Iraqistan
If you follow the latest Bush war through the popular media, you'd think things are on the upswing. By all major media indications, the whole introducing democracy thing is apparently suffering fewer setbacks and nestling further and further back in the pages of USA Today and deeper into CNN's portrayal of what America needs to know. Much as was the case with Afghanistan, the war has become old news and major media is ready for something else.

Oh sure, there's still the occasional front-pager reserved for good news like America killing 300 Iraqis in Najaf (Yay America!! Kill! Kill! Kill!), but now the GOP talking points have produced terror warnings and the Rick James death conspiracy to divert attention from the festering mess of Bush's making, with all our complicity.

Are we any less responsible for what's going on in Iraq now, just because of some document in which we pretend they're a sovereign nation? Apparently the mainstream American media would have you believe the answer is "yes." And so, as warlords solidify their control over Afghanistan (save a few blocks of downtown Kabul) and Iraqi "resistance" creates the perfect climate of anarchy for the next Saddam Hussein to achieve power (although the next SH may not be the secular despot that the first one was), we can all follow the latest breaking news on Michael Jackson's barbie doll collection complete with Sharpie markered pubic hair.

Valerie Plame, meet Muhammad Naeem Noor Khan
You're both undercover agents in the war of terror whose identities have been revealed by the White House for political purposes, all the while we've endangered your lives and severely undercut the intelligence gathering efforts that undergird the war on terror. Yup, in a pathetic attempt to paint the latest terror alert a screaming blaze orange, the White House (unnamed officials) outted Mr. Khan to the media. Mr. Khan was a captured Al Qaeda computer specialist who had agreed to infiltrate Al Qaeda communications. He was positioned as a key operative in identifying the leadership and whereabouts of Al Qaeda operations, and had already provided rich information.

But protecting the secrecy of agents in the war on terror is no match for political desperation. So it was that the Bushies leaked Mr. Khan's identity, unnecessarily, as part of a last gasp effort to justify the years-old information that drove them to raise the alert level just as the Dems were enjoying a bounce from their convention.

So let's add another charge to the treason case against Bush, who is willing to subvert the war on terror for trivial political purposes.

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  Legal Disclaimer: All information on this site has been carefully considered as to its inflammatory value against the backdrop of the prevailing standards of cultural depravity. Research is spotty at best. The resulting verbiage, though dead-on and wickedly insightful (not to mention inciteful) should be considered pure satire, if for no other reason than to deflect lawsuits.