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The Last Bastion of America's Liberal Media

Aug 23, 2004

Turd of the Week

Karl Rove, your Swift Boat Veteran scheme is utterly predictable, disingenuous and now quite traceable back to you and the President. Why don't you regale us with your tales of combat prowess, you fat misanthrope...

see stories for details



Sponsors:


Growing fat off juicy Iraqi rebuildin' contracts. Did you know the bin Laden group is one of our top investors?


screw all the other stockholders, we're cashing out!


Hey, what do you know? We make money from American militarily screwed up countries in the Middle East!


We're already negotiating with the “new Iraqi democracy” for oil rights!


Selling weapons all over the globe to ensure civilian death and instability which in turn ensures a strong market for years and years...

Blabbering Bush Head

Click head for fresh random quote from
Jacob Weinberg's The Complete Bushisms - Netscape users hit reload


Re-election
Threat Level: Swift Boat Orange

Iraq War Cost
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Civilian casualties update
This data is an accounting of civilian deaths in Iraq to date.
See Iraqbodycount.net for statistical methodologies


 

New Guest Columnist - Kitten with a Whip!!!

Oh, the horror.

Seven children from Texas were subject to the dehumanizing reality of an "African" orphanage. Story goes that their mom dropped them off in Nigeria and never returned.

Let's decry: The sadism of Nickelodeon deprivation, limited pizza options, lack of 15 spf (minimum) lip balm.

Let's really, really decry:
13.2 million children orphaned by AIDS, 12.1 million of them in sub-Saharan Africa.
4 million new AIDS infections in 1999, 4 million of them in Africa.
2.8 million dead of AIDS in 1999, 85 percent of them in Africa.

With typical Western (read=US) media hubris, none of the articles about the poor suffering Texas children mentioned anything about the longstanding poverty and health issues that plague most of Africa. But hey, those Nigerians don't have it all bad. They only have to endure their miserable lives for an average of 52 years.


The Whip Wielding Kitten is the angry Volvo wagon drivin' spawn of moderate Republicans. She lives in the forest, though still on the grid.

Hoop Nightmares
Coming from a remarkable history of achievement, persistence and idealism, the United States of America has every incentive for assuming the inertia of our supremacy will continue forever. We represent every material, military and sports desire fulfilled, so why should it change? Thanks for the hard work of our ancestors, we have a birthright of global dominion.

But it isn't a fluke that the USA Olympic basketball team was crushed by the mighty Puerto Rico, then two games later outplayed by Lithuania. It's now up in the air whether or not America will even make it to the medal rounds in the sport that was invented, perfected and marketed in the good ol' USofA.

Like our cocky strut into Iraq, we just presume that the rest of the world will bare its collective throat at our presumed supremacy, while we preen and strut our stuff. No, I'm not talking about the soldiers who are in the back alleys of Fallujah and Tikrit. I'm talking about the overpaid superstar NBA players and pretend Presidents who feel like being the top dog is just what we're all about.

Sure, Jefferson got hot a bit in the decisive fourth quarter and dropped some 3 bombs, but ultimately he, Iverson and the rest of the supposed outside specialists for the USA were no match for former Terrapin Jasikevicius, who was dropping crucial and impossible outside shots, with Lamar Odom all over him.

Swift Boat Veterans for Continued Mismanagement of the Planet
This forum had been ignoring the duplicitous charges coming out of Karl Rove's shadow spokesfools, the Swift Boat Veterans for Whatever. The charges seemed both inanely nitpicking and poised for refutation. The shadow group was able to initially appear to be just a bunch of former Navy guys spreading dirt on an opportunistic colleague. But shortly thereafter the unravelment began...

Of course, we all know none of the SBVT were on JFK's boat. Further, plenty of his boatmates testified that JFK's accounting of events was on the money. Then, members of press got off their all-too-complacent-from-working-off-of-white-house-talking-points-asses and began investigating all the SBVT membership and found close ties to Bush and Rove. But the most damning of all was the airing of military records of the SBVT themselves, revealing identical accounts to Kerry's. Thus, the SBVT could only call Kerry a liar if they were to admit to the same themselves. Now, reporters are finding quotes from the SBVT as recently as a year ago, corroborating Kerry's military record and heroism.

It is astonishing to me that the Bushies would go after Kerry for exaggerating some of his war heroics (three Purple Hearts, a Bronze Star and a Silver Star - ka-ching!) when everybody knows W took the drunken frat boy with family connections alternative route where he got to fly a plane, do cocaine, skip a year's service and stay the fuck outta Vietnam. Yet they want to assail Kerry for exaggerating some of his war wounds? Well, they're certainly banking on an enormous amount of public gullibility.

Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to get reelected after cheating our way to an utterly bungled only term in office.

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