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The Last Bastion of America's Liberal Media

9 Feb, 2004

Turd of the Week

Janet Jackson's Boob, Thanks a lot for hijacking Americas interest away from issues of substance to the trivial subject of your right breast. Who gives a damn? It's not even a real breast!

 


Blabbering Bush Head

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Iraq War Cost
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Civilian casualties update
This data is an accounting of civilian deaths in Iraq to date.
See Iraqbodycount.net for statistical methodologies



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Growing fat off juicy Iraqi rebuildin' contracts. Did you know the bin Laden group is one of our top investors?


screw all the other stockholders, we're cashing out!


Hey, what do you know? We make money from American militarily screwed up countries in the Middle East!


We're already negotiating with the “new Iraqi democracy” for oil rights!


Selling weapons all over the globe to ensure civilian death and instability which in turn ensures a strong market for years and years...

 

 

Kicking the Cobra
Back in the summer, Dubya pressured CIA's George Tenet to take the heat for the Nigerian uranium fiasco. A bold move for sure, since it is well known that the White House's own investigation revealed it as a hoax months before the SOTU utterance in question. Also, the Agency had provided previous admonishments against this claim, but somehow (perhaps they were just tired of reminding these boobs only to have their advice dismissed) signed off on the speech, thus garnering the distinction, through this technicality, of taking a bullet for the chickenshit big guy.

Well, now that the Weapons of Mass Nonexistence heat is on, Dave Kay is suggesting that once again, the CIA is responsible. The White House is hoping to defray this discussion by creating the panel of post-election duration and perhaps let a little time lapse before blaming the CIA. Again.

Blame me once, shame on you. Blame me twice, shame on me. Tenet is striking back with a PR campaign of his own. While conservatives nervously embrace his position as pro-Bush, it is clear that Tenet is not going to go down with the ship. If the panel does its job (big if) there will be significant investigations into Seymour Hersch's allegations that the Agency was repeatedly pressured by Richard "Dick" Cheney and Rummy to present a more compelling case supporting invasion. Now Bush declares that he won't fire Tenet, in an act of shameless gall that seeks to conveniently deflect the heat that is blazing down upon him.

Amazing.

It's hard to believe Tenet and the CIA are going to take a second bullet for a White House they know to be corrupt. The Spyhouse is only going to take so much crap from the White House until they figure they've had enough. Then it's going to be ugly.

The panel has been named. Bush gets to set the agenda and construct all the parameters around its inquiry (must be nice, eh?). Some moderates, some Democrats, but check out the good Professor's diatribe on the right-wingers that were named. Of course, the panel won't issue its findings until several months into the Sharpton presidency.

Can you imagine what it would be like if there were an opposing party in control of Congress? Bush would be more worried about Federal prison than a second term...

Professor Pissed!!! - Rant from the Island

I'm not going to write about Dean. Not a word. Except to say it's not over till it's over. So there.

What really concerns me this week is the fact that Bush (with Blair, in typical lapdog fashion, following on his heals) has been pressured into appointing (appointing?!) a bipartisan commission to investigate US intelligence reports leading up to the Iraq invasion. One would think that allowing the very person imagined to be responsible for perpetrating intelligence lies in order to justify waging this unfruitful and deadly war to appoint such a commission would not serve the best interests of those wanting to know what really happened. (Perhaps we shouldn't be surprised at this new evidence of the Bush administration's seemingly endless perversions American-style democracy -- once the Bush family made clear that they control the Supreme Court the writing was on the wall for the hallowed U.S. system of checks and balances....)

Of greatest concern is Bush's appointment of right-wing lawyer Laurence Silberman as co-chair of this committee. Silberman, who once declared that Clinton was "at war with the U.S. government" (Clinton?!, who (sadly) was only at war with his own libido), was one of the key figures involved in the exoneration of Oliver North, one of the central players in the Iran-Contra scandal. Oh, I sure feel safe now -- we'll certainly find the "truth" with Silberman in charge!

Curiouser and curiouser -- the case of U.S. politics in the twenty-first century. Who would have imagined such things could pass? Or that the hideous inflatable doll with bulging breast and bloated biceps, the actor playing "Conan the Barbarian" depicted in this morning's Guardian story on new DVD's, would be governing the most populous U.S. state? Lord Hutton.... Laurence Silberman.... the two nations that pride themselves most publicly as exemplifying the so-called democratic free world are revealed as oligarchies. And, paradoxically, it's only the weird iron-man-bad-actor-turned- celebrity-governor who even remotely seems to reflect the concerns of even a slightly larger minority than the top 1% of the ruling classes.


The good Professor missed the SuperBowl, but loves to watch South African Cricket on the Beebs.

Speaking of Boobs Exposed on TV...
Bush, the most media resistant of all modern Presidents, allowed a rare interview this past weekend. Tim Russert was the chosen interrogator. To Tim's credit, the questions were generally searing, although the paucity of followup on Tim's part left the Rhinestone Cowboy able to dodge the question and move on.

What did we learn? Well, we learned six times that Saddam was a madman, and that you can't wait around for a madman to become dangerous. It turns out that we have to strike anyone who has knowledge of how to create WMDs, which means we'll be attacking thousands of Physics PhD candidates across America. We found out that it was worth losing 500 American lives and injuring 3000 Americans (we're not counting towelheads, apparently) to remove, you got it, a madman.

The budget? Not a problem. The trend is that we're gaining jobs (unmentioned went the fact that demographic trends demand we gain over 100,000 jobs a month just to tread water) and corralling spending (apparently, there will not be money spent in Iraq and Afghanistan going forward and the giddy economy will create uncounted bazillions in new tax revenues) while we're tax-unburdening families (no mention of the hideous disproportionate unburdening of the Bush and Cheney families).

"Rush" Limbaugh and Heritage Foundation's depiction of Bush as the most profligate spending President ever? According to Bush "They're wrong." Ohhh baby, I love that wedge!

It's Gay Bashing Season!!!
Welcome to election 2004. While the GOP was once giddy with glee at the invincibility of King George, the buzz has worn off and the hangover has set in. The lampshade on the head, once a symbol of supreme confidence and hilarity, has become a global embarrassment with dirty spousal glances to go home and cut losses (Did that metaphor even remotely work?).

Anyway, if you can't run on foreign policy or the economy, it's time to dip deep into the bag of hatred and appeal to fear and prejudice, the time-honored staple platform of the desperate right-wing. And since discrimination based on race, gender, ethnicity and handicap must be waged covertly in this day and age (progress?), it would appear that the last remaining bastion of overt institutional hatred is homosexuality.

And so it is that the GOP seeks to focus the 2004 election away from meaningless issues such as the role of America in the future of the world and the policies by which America seeks to manage the great wealth disparities among its peoples. Nah, that stuff'll be off the table, 'cause it's time to take on the divisive issue of what people do in the privacy of their bedrooms and whether or not they can implicitly inherit wealth and make health care decisions for their incapacitated loved ones.

Get the barf bag out this summer and fall when you confront any of the mainstream media. You will be inundated with images of Americana that gets putrefied with language threatening the end to Rockwell's small town values if we do anything short of shaming gays into weenie-portal-rehab.

We've said it before in these pages... If, as the family valuers would have us believe, our heterosexual relationships are somehow cheapened by other people's homosexual relationships (an absurd proposition, but entertained here for the sake of argument), why must the gay relationship be banned?

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