U   P   D   A   T   E   D         W   E   E   K   L  Y  ! ! !

The Last Bastion of America's Liberal Media

7 June, 2004

Turd of the Week

George Tenet, Way to jump on the grenade. Funny how the Bush loyalty runs a little thin with Clinton holdovers...

see stories for details

Blabbering Bush Head

Click head for fresh random quote from
Jacob Weinberg's The Complete Bushisms - Netscape users hit reload


Iraq War Cost
(JavaScript Error)

Civilian casualties update
This data is an accounting of civilian deaths in Iraq to date.
See Iraqbodycount.net for statistical methodologies


Growing fat off juicy Iraqi rebuildin' contracts. Did you know the bin Laden group is one of our top investors?

screw all the other stockholders, we're cashing out!

Hey, what do you know? We make money from American militarily screwed up countries in the Middle East!

We're already negotiating with the “new Iraqi democracy” for oil rights!

Selling weapons all over the globe to ensure civilian death and instability which in turn ensures a strong market for years and years...

Ronald Wilson Reagan 1911-2004
The spokesman for the Reagan Revolution died this weekend at 93. Affable, jovial and chipper, the Gipper was someone that many Americans could relate to and admire. Blessed with an ability to couch the most offensive positions with a twinkle and a nod, the St. Nick of the American presidency was the personification of down-to-earth leadership. Coming on the heels of Nixon and Carter (was there someone else in between? Hmmm, don't think so), his was a vision of supreme optimism that galvanized American conservatives, forever dreaming of his reincarnation.

But the second rock star of the American presidency (give it up for JFK) was a well crafted marketing machine for drastic redistributions in government spending. Education, social safety nets, scientific research, environmental protections all suffered horribly under his stewardship, while defense contractors and the very rich made out quite well, thank you very much. Embraced by the Religious Right, Reagan never attended church regularly or particularly embraced Christianity beyond pandering to that voting bloc. Nonetheless, his warm smiling screw the poor in the guise of empowering the downtrodden resonated with a dual pulse of American greed and lip-service Christianity.

He was a high stakes gambler who consistently drew all aces. The Air Traffic Controller strike? He stared them down and somehow America avoided a mid-air disaster. The disolving Soviet bloc? He upped the ante with gaudy defense spending and somehow the red hawks didn't play the big card. Caught with his underpants in the machinery of the Iran Contra scandal, he pled benign ignorance, which turned out to be halfway believeable.

He could deliver a weakly crafted zinger ("There you go again" response to Carter brought howls of in-your-face laughter from his dittoheads) that would somehow become legendary oratory. He could joke about initiating nuclear armageddon ("The bombing starts in 5 minutes") and just brush off any outrage. In the debates against Mondale, he clearly demonstrated the early stages of Altzheimer's disease, waxing in a non-sequitor about driving the Pacific Coast Highway, which eventually trailed off into incomprehensible muttering. But the public still loved him.

Yes, he was the icon of Republicanism for the late twentieth century, affable, chummy and able to screw the working poor while still getting their vote. His model has been one the GOP has been struggling ever since to recapture. Newt grabbed those coattails, and certainly Bush II has, but no one has since been able to recreate his magical combination of friendliness, cruel agenda and the all-important lady luck.

Watch Bush's poll numbers bounce in a bizarre 6 degrees of political separation game...

Tenet Gets Evicted
It's certainly fair to say that George Tenet was part of the problem. His "slam dunk" quote will forever taint his legacy and provide some meager excuse for Bush apologists desperately seeking a scapegoat for Iraq. This lefty even supports the obvious firing of the Clinton-appointed nincompoop.

But if a mess as big as Iraq can only rely on one scapegoat, that goat is at the top of the food chain. Tenet's culpability is miniscule compared to Rumsfeld, Cheney, Wolfowitz, Perle and of course, the figurehead himself, W. Nice try to dump your only Clinton holdover as a sign that heads have rolled.

Don't think for a minute that this ends accountability.

Voice for Choice Still Stentorian
Federal Judge Phyllis J. Hamilton declared the "Partial Birth Abortion Ban Act" to be unconstitutional. Finally, legal sanity finds a foothold in the war to deny women their reproductive choices. The Clinton appointed judge found the law to be unconstitutional and ultimately unenforceable from a medical perspective. The wording of the law had little relevance to prevailing medical terminology and thus was more a mechanism for placating fundamentalist Christians who insist on insinuating Big Government into women's most private decisions than it was on providing relevant legal guidelines.

This ruling came as no surprise to legal experts who roundly castigated the law as illogical and unconstitutional. The law was designed to serve as a huge foot in the door from which Christian extremists could make a strong push to criminalize reproductive freedom altogether.

While this victory is of enormous importance in the struggle for women's reproductive rights, the battle will rage on into the forseeable future.

Cheney Nose Deep in the Iraq Trough
Those damn nameless insiders keep revealing the uncomfortable truth about the White House motivations for Iraq. The latest such revelation is an email which strongly implies that the Halliburton sole source contract was cleared, if not arranged, through the Vice President's office. The allegations have been brushed off with categorical denials from the mouth of the Dick himself. Also, further revelations have shown that the Dick's financial entanglement with the world's luckiest defense logisticians are far from minimal. He gets deferred payments, he gets lots of liability coverage for acts performed as CEO, and his buddy Martha Stewart has lots of stock money riding on Halli'.

Kidding about the last item, but in fact, Dick Cheney has much to gain from Halliburton's plundering of federal coffers. Good thing that hen house is strictly guarded by an old bald fox?

Sick of this Crap Staff (yes, the links really work!):

Interns: , ,

  Crap Archives
  Legal Disclaimer: All information on this site has been carefully considered as to its inflammatory value against the backdrop of the prevailing standards of cultural depravity. Research is spotty at best. The resulting verbiage, though dead-on and wickedly insightful (not to mention inciteful) should be considered pure satire, if for no other reason than to deflect lawsuits.