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The Last Bastion of America's Liberal Media

Nov 22, 2004

Turd of the Week

Arlen Specter, What little credibility you once had in moderate circles has been pawned for the chair of the justice committee. Embrace the butt largesse.

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Iraq War Cost
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Condi Gets a Promotion
With Alberto torture-boy Gonzales (thanks to astute anal retentive readers for the correct spelling!) pretty much a sure thang for AG and the fast track for biggest blackest robe, it's time to get rid of Major General Sissy as Secretary of State. Let's upgrade to a more faith based sycophant who still upholds the pretense of cabinet diversity.

Enter Condoleezza Rice, figure skating, ivory tickling, uber-achieving, multi-lingual, terror-threat-ignoring, Iraq threat exaggerator. For all her accomplished brilliance, her not-so-secret infatuation with one swaggering Rhinestone Cowboy has subverted her considerable intellect in exchange for proximity to the hunky goodness of the Commander-in-Cheese.

So it is that the lone voice of moderation (albeit a voice often sold out to belligerent interests) steps down out of disgust, we presume, leaving the inner circle of war-making to be Condi, Rummy, Cheney and he-who-is-directed-by-Jesus. That should really streamline the decision making process for the impending invasions of Iran, Syria, France and California.


Sponsors:


Growing fat off juicy Iraqi rebuildin' contracts. Did you know the bin Laden group is one of our top investors?


screw all the other stockholders, we're cashing out!


Hey, what do you know? We make money from American militarily screwed up countries in the Middle East!


We're already negotiating with the “new Iraqi democracy” for oil rights!


Selling weapons all over the globe to ensure civilian death and instability which in turn ensures a strong market for years and years...

Iraqn Next Up?
Is there an echo in here? Sure seems like it with the Bush administration beating the WMD drum on Iran. This time, we're told, they really really really do have WMD. Never mind that the Bushies never really let go of the same claim with Iraq, even in the face of overwhelming contradictory evidence. There certainly is plenty of evidence to suggest Iran's interest in nuclear technology goes beyond Bedouin air conditioning. Yeah, even "old Europe" is working toward a sanctions package.

But what used to be a secret program carried out with meager clandestine funding and without exposure to public support/scorn is now a full blown manifestation of Iranian pride. Yep, the Iranians see nuclear weaponry as an essential deterrent to American adventurism (See Korea, North vs. the Iranian view to the west). And so the Iranian people are largely supporting the efforts of the holy regime to join the nuclear club. Message to the world: If you don't want America turning your nation into a blood-soaked rubble pile, you'd better start nuking it up!

As Europe develops a set of carrots and sticks (Boo! Hiss! that smacks of U.N. scale sissy sanctions which never prevented anything other than Iraq's ability to stage a credible threat to the rest of the world), you'd expect America would have learned her lesson from the last time we were at the crossroads of Sanctions Boulevard and Bellicose Avenue. Lesson learning is for pussies!! Yep, with Bush at the helm, reality's just gotta step aside. Envisioning the possibilities of a unified set of sanctions and economic disincentives and incentives supported by old Europe, America and Asian powers is for losers.

It's time for America's 18 - 23 year olds to start sweating bullets. (They're not rationing bullets yet, are they?)

America's Loan Sharks
That would be China and Japan, who are buying up US Treasury bonds, which are sold in order to finance the Bush debt. China is buying a billion dollars in US debt every week for the past year. Bush has given bazillionaires tax relief and staged his Iraq grudge invasion, both of which resulted in a huge fiscal gulf. In order to bring this strength to America, Bush is selling our financial future to China and Japan.

"What's the big deal?" you might ask. "They'll have a huge stake in America's future. How can that be bad?" Well, as our loanshark, China can name the terms of repayment, including currency conversion, which would quickly put us in very deep trouble in terms of trade deficit and interest rates. Technically, the terms of the bond sales are contractually defined, yet China's holdings will dictate American policy for decades to come. Not only that, but we are now relying on their deep pockets to bankroll the Bush financial stage dive into the Grand Canyon. What happens when they doubt our creditworthiness, or just plain decide to shop elsewhere?

Fallujah: Mission Really Accomplished, This Time I Mean It, No Foolin'
Bush's re-election party in Fallujah is kicking ass! Thousands of corpses in the streets are buried under rubble. Women, children and elderly slaughtered and maimed in the cross fire. Mosques blasted back into their original sand particles. Yes America, we can proud that Freedom Is On The March!

And if there was any doubt about elections proceeding as planned, just take a look at Freedom on the march:

Whatever the purity of our original motives, whatever the actual threat of Saddam to America, whatever the sanctity of our intention to assert democracy in Iraq, we cannot win public support at the end of a gun barrel.

The war in Iraq is over. It was over a long time ago. It's time to face up...

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