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The Last Bastion of America's Liberal Media

Oct 4, 2004

Turd of the Week

Karl Rove, you left your boy alone to fend for himself for ninety excruciating minutes. Next time pick a radio frequency for Bush's nano-prompter that the Dems can't block.

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Growing fat off juicy Iraqi rebuildin' contracts. Did you know the bin Laden group is one of our top investors?


screw all the other stockholders, we're cashing out!


Hey, what do you know? We make money from American militarily screwed up countries in the Middle East!


We're already negotiating with the “new Iraqi democracy” for oil rights!


Selling weapons all over the globe to ensure civilian death and instability which in turn ensures a strong market for years and years...

Blabbering Bush Head

Click head for fresh random quote from
Jacob Weinberg's The Complete Bushisms - Netscape users hit reload


Re-election
Threat Level: Inflamed

Iraq War Cost
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Civilian casualties update
This data is an accounting of civilian deaths in Iraq to date.
See Iraqbodycount.net for statistical methodologies


 

Best of the Bush
"And it's hard work. I understand how hard it is. I get the casualty reports every day. I see on the TV screens how hard it is. "

"I reject this notion -- and I'm suggesting my opponent isn't -- I reject the notion that some say that if you're Muslim you can't free, you don't desire freedom. "

"The reason why Prime Minister Allawi said they're (the terrorists) coming across the border is because he recognizes that this is a central part of the war on terror."

"First of all, of course I know Osama bin Laden attacked us. I know that."


Kerry's Parrys
"In answer to your question about Iraq and sending people into Iraq, he just said, "The enemy attacked us." Saddam Hussein didn't attack us. Osama bin Laden attacked us. al Qaeda attacked us.
"

"I'm not going to talk about a difference of character. I don't think that's my job or my business."

"But this issue of certainty. It's one thing to be certain, but you can be certain and be wrong."

Pandemonium on the Podium
Going in to the debates, I figured Kerry would be accurately explaining in numbing detail the difficulties that lie ahead in Iraq. Then Bush would throw out some fauxlksy hackneyism like, "Down in Texas, you step on a rattler, you gonna get bit," at which point America erupts in approval, the pundits declare Bush the new Reagan (again). Denouement: JFK joins a support group with Mike Dukakis and Al Gore, the evisceration of the constitution is then completed in W's second (and beyond accountability) term.

Matter of fact, I listened on the car radio to the first half hour, swerving from lane to lane at Kerry's apparent fulfillment of his GOP-fashioned identity. Bush regurgitated the lines from his crib sheet with monosyllabic certainty. Things seemed destined for the presumptive scenario above. Then a funny thing happened. I joined the crap sickened life partner in viewing the image on the tube and everything seemed to change.

We watched the event on CSPAN, which carried the split screen reaction imagery. Bush seemed peevish in disbelief that anyone would dare question his dogmatic view of Iraq. "It's hard work" he explained, obliquely demonstrating his recent acknowledgement of the gulf between how things were supposed to be and the reality of the Iraqi street. Apparently, we are struggling in Iraq because Tommy Franks was more successful, and successful sooner than we ever thought he would be. Oh yeah, and things are getting better.

Huh?

Kerry, whose timidity has been the object of many of my rants, brilliantly played that fine line between striking back forcefully and not bullying. HIs script was masterful - above all, appear statesman-like. Use simple sentences with curt phrases. "You can be certain and wrong." - fer sher one of the most apt encapsulations of the Bush hubris, was genius in taking Bush's alleged "decisiveness" and turning it on its head.

I screamed Kerry's lines for him, like my favorite "I will clean up your mess," but hindsight suggests that my script was sure to alienate the undecided middle that Kerry so gracefully cajoled into his corner. The final 60 minutes Kerry carefully chipped away at the Bush facade of faith-based optimism that staying the course would bring us across the ocean and not off the edge of the earth. Bush just floundered with his short list of talking points.

Here's a copy of his crib notes:

September 11th changed the way America looks at the world. In other words, the terrorist attacks on America gives me as Pres'dint freedom to do them things Wolfowitz and Ashcroft told me to do.

10 Million Afghanis are registered to vote. Keep sayin' ten million. Don't bring up the fact that many of those are duplicates.

Kerry voted to let me invade. Anything dumb I did, Kerry let me do.

Doubt my plan and undercut the troops. If Kerry questions my approach, tell him he ain't leaderly.

Point out Poland. If Kerry forgets to mention Poland, throw it back in his face! Repeat as necessary.

So, there's still a lot of mud left to sling, and it will be slung in the next 28 days (insert_your_zombie_possesion_reference_here). The ides of March is perfect for the ObL capture video that Rove has been scripting for months now. The next wave of tax relief - thousands of dollars for tax-victims in Ohio, Florida, Pennsylvania and Michigan - is yet to be sprung. Finally, we've yet to hear about John Kerry's youthful experimentation with Satanic ritual evidenced by possession of a Ouija board back in 1952.

Fasten your seat belts and get the lawn and garden sized barf bags ready. Tuesday night, Edwards takes on the dark force of evil. Then comes the all-the-friendlier-to-Dems domestic debate and free-for-all with undecided voters. Will Karl Rove have the Rhinestone cowboy ready? We're thinking Bush will remain decisive and stay the failed course.

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