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The Last Bastion of America's Liberal Media

Oct 18, 2004

Turd of the Week

Karl Rove, how was your time on the witness stand? How'd the "Who's Valerie Plame?" line go over? Still, we gotta hand it to you, the tribunal didn't distract you from prompting Bush through the wire. Open wide for the olfactorily noxious leavings.

see stories for details


Growing fat off juicy Iraqi rebuildin' contracts. Did you know the bin Laden group is one of our top investors?

screw all the other stockholders, we're cashing out!

Hey, what do you know? We make money from American militarily screwed up countries in the Middle East!

We're already negotiating with the “new Iraqi democracy” for oil rights!

Selling weapons all over the globe to ensure civilian death and instability which in turn ensures a strong market for years and years...

Blabbering Bush Head

Click head for fresh random quote from
Jacob Weinberg's The Complete Bushisms - Netscape users hit reload

Threat Level: Terror Cotta

Iraq War Cost
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Civilian casualties update
This data is an accounting of civilian deaths in Iraq to date.
See Iraqbodycount.net for statistical methodologies


Best of the Bush, Round Three
"Gosh, I just don't think I ever said I'm not worried about Osama bin Laden. It's kind of one of those exaggerations."

"We're working with Canada to hopefully - that they'll produce a - help us realize the vaccine necessary to make sure our citizens have got flu vaccinations during this upcoming season."

"If you're married, we reduced the marriage penalty."

"He talks about middle-class tax cuts. That's exactly where the tax cuts went. Most of the tax cuts went to low- and middle-income Americans. And now the tax code is more fair."

"(Borders to Mexico) are much better protected today than they were when I was the governor of Texas."

"But Washington is a tough town."

Kerry's Parrys
"Being lectured by the president on fiscal responsibility is a little bit like Tony Soprano talking to me about law and order in this country."

"I don't want American workers subsidizing the loss of their own job. "

"You can't disallow someone the right to visit their partner in a hospital. You have to allow people to transfer property, which is why I'm for partnership rights and so forth."

"I believe that choice is a woman's choice. It's between a woman, God and her doctor. And that's why I support that."

"One percent of America got $89 billion last year in a tax cut, but people working hard, playing by the rules, trying to take care of their kids, family values, that we're supposed to value so much in America - I'm tired of politicians who talk about family values and don't value families."

"Well, again, the president didn't answer the question."

"I believe it was a failure of presidential leadership not to reauthorize the assault weapons ban."

"And frankly, I think we have a lot more loving of our neighbor to do in this country and on this planet."

"I regret to say that the president who called himself a uniter, not a divider, is now presiding over the most divided America in the recent memory of our country."

The Debates are Over
I gotta say, Bush tightened his message considerably over the duration of the triple showdown - God wants me to spread freedom, edjumuckation is the answer to all domestic issues (with or without funding), John Kerrenedy is the most liberal liberal that ever liberalled from the liberal state of Liberalchusetts who wants to kill all fetuses, tax hardworking Americans to death and if France isn't too busy, they might decide to tell us when to pull the trigger around the world.

Kerry, trying desperately to fit the 3,572 page briefing document onto a Prius sized bumper sticker, got some great zingers in, but still failed to connect on all the President's foibles. In fairness, four and a half hours isn't enough time to get through the foible A through C (Allowed ObL to escape, Attacked the wrong Ira*, Attempted to Constitutionalize gay bashing...). Still, where was the vitriol against Bush's pandering to corporate interest (a faint glimmer in St. Louis)? Where was the irreversible environmental Bush policy analysis (again, a brief nod under the Arch). And what about Bush's inaccessibility to the press?

But Kerry did push many of us from the ABB camp to the "Hey-this-guy-could-be-pretty-good" camp. Kerry's strong messages rang out loud and clear: Bush is not being truthful to Americans about the war, Bush is taking money away from social programs to fund his windfall giveaways to the rich all while telling the disenfranchised that he's helping them, Bush is fiscally reckless by throwing money at his pet interests, thus creating an unprecedented imbalance between revenue and expenditure.

Upon Kerry's admittedly gratuitous reference to Mary Cheney, conservatives railed against him for "gay bashing." A curious notion that mentioning the vice president's daughter's well-known amorous proclivities in a non-judgemental way would be seen as a smear tactic. I guess conservatives consider homosexuality such an abomination that any mention of it is in itself accusatory.

So the race has tightened up, which can mean only one thing: Karl Rove's Malcolm X strategy (don't make me say it) goes into high gear. All the disenfranchisement strategies used on Florida African Americans in 2000 are in full swing - nearly a million black voters have been purged from the voter rolls because they were felons or had names that sounded like felons or had skin color that resembled Republican Secretary of State's idea of felonious melanin levels. In Nevada, the GOP paid (or failed to pay, in the case of the whistle blowers) contractors for "registering" new voters, then tragically losing all the registered Democrat ballots in a nearby dumpster before getting them to the local Board of Elections.

The poor amateur Democrats' election law weenies will be up against the voracious shock and awe tactics of the pros. If it's close like they say it's going to be, the GOP assault team will descend on the swing states, who are still reeling from the incessant barrage of mud-slinging ads, and begin pressuring election officials, conveniently appointed federal judges and asking their multi-millionaire supporters at the Diebold corporation for a little nudge over the top.

...can't wait for that...

Bush vs. Women
Too bad the recent UN vote hadn't been cast before Bush was asked to answer the final question of the final debate on the influence of the ladies surrounding him. The resolution endorsed a 10-year-old U.N. plan to ensure every woman's right to education, healthcare and choice about having children

Apparently, the Bushies blanched at a reference to "sexual rights" which they felt wouldn't play well with their constituency bent on denying sexual rights. For all the GOP knows, this could mean women having control over their sexuality, which is dangerous enough for conservative men, much moreso for loose hippy chicks with Kerry Edwards bumperstickers.

I guess solace in the GOP's approach can be best summarized by Spinal Tap: "You know where you stand in a hell hole."

Bush's Wire?
New photographs of Bush's alleged wire have caused a stir around the left wing. Photos are circulating which clearly show a rectangular bulge between the president's shoulder blades. I myself wonder if this could be simply a vestigial dorsal fin?

In any event, it should be fair that a puppet president should have access to his puppet masters. Since all his presidential decisions will be made by nefarious Wizards of Oz, shouldn't he have direction from them in a forum displaying his talents and limitations?

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