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The Last Bastion of America's Liberal Media

Sep 27, 2004

Turd of the Week

Donald Rumsfeld, fractional democracy is almost as good as the full monty?... Reach for the stink baton hand off, you low expectations, inappropriately declaring victory muthaf*ckah

see stories for details



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Growing fat off juicy Iraqi rebuildin' contracts. Did you know the bin Laden group is one of our top investors?


screw all the other stockholders, we're cashing out!


Hey, what do you know? We make money from American militarily screwed up countries in the Middle East!


We're already negotiating with the “new Iraqi democracy” for oil rights!


Selling weapons all over the globe to ensure civilian death and instability which in turn ensures a strong market for years and years...

Blabbering Bush Head

Click head for fresh random quote from
Jacob Weinberg's The Complete Bushisms - Netscape users hit reload


Re-election
Threat Level: Pumpkin

Iraq War Cost
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Civilian casualties update
This data is an accounting of civilian deaths in Iraq to date.
See Iraqbodycount.net for statistical methodologies


 

Playing the Republican Stooge
Faithful readers (Hi Mom!) won't like this articloid, but dammit, JFK is running out of time to present a coherent alternative to the hideous Bush. The Democrats have a tailor made opportunity to hit a Presidential grand-slam - a disastrous foreign policy that is self-destructing before the world's collective eyes, a tepid economy whose recovery has been severely compromised by huge tax cuts for the rich, and an ill spoken moron who is responsible for the bullheaded policies that lead to these outcomes.

And yet, it would appear that GWB is going to win. Again. Lord knows, I hope I'm wrong and I'll fight from my tiny corner of the universe to prevent it from happening, but I think we need a little help from a guy named Kerry. His message is garbled, nuanced far beyond the attention span of reality show viewers, and ultimately impossible, for reasons beyond his control. It is impossible in the sense that any indications that the Iraq situation is "unwinnable" (whatever we can salvage in defining "win" at this point) will be the wounded antelope limping by the hungry lion's den. The Bushies will pounce on the opportunity to depict the Democrats as pessimistic losers content to cede the war on terror, while Republicants are the can-do guys who WILL win in Iraq and WILL win in the war on terror.

Never mind the fact that victory in Iraq will only come when America redefines victory with a steroid infused Orwellian effort to depict the inevitable civil war in Messopotamia as a free exchange of ideas on subtle variations of liberty and power sharing. That's irrelevant. The GOP has played this election brilliantly. They've been able to take the current Presidency and make it seem like the less hideous alternative, a thought impossible to thinking hominids only months ago.

Is it too late? Not exactly, but the sands of opportunity are slipping through the hourglass. Even as Kerry finally and rightly slams Bush for the war that George calls a "catastrophic success," he offers no palatable alternatives of action. Getting other nations involved? Too late. Bush's alienation was so total and the situation now so horribly bungled that the rest of the world won't pitch in. Waiting to see what is going on first before acting? The American people don't want to hear that, even if nuance, flexibility and thinking on one's feet are really what is needed for America to find a way out.

Well folks, I had hoped that Bush's departure would allow my bile to accumulate for an entire lunar cycle before purging, thus allowing me to go monthly with my internet invective. Alas, it looks like we'll be at this for a long time, or until Ashcroft shuts down www.sickofthisc..

<connection terminated>

Pat Buchanan & Seymour Hersch
No surprise that the Crap Sickened Punditry finds great sympathetic reverberations with Seymour Hersch, avowed liberal journalist, whose recent book excerpts provide a frightening theory of the Bush psyche. But look out folks, 'cause you know the world is all upside down when Pat Buchanan has one of the most articulate positions on the folly of Bush of any of the anguished liberals. (editor, please check last sentence for accuracy.) Yes, Pat eat-the-immigrants Buchanan is making a rock solid case for impugning the Bush doctrine. His points:

  • You can't force democracy at gunpoint
  • Iraq is a horrible mess that won't get better
  • Iraq had nothing to do with American security
  • "U.S. dominance of the Middle East is not the corrective to terror. It is a cause of terror."
  • The Iraq war is more destructive to America than Vietnam
  • Bush's policies are certainly not conservative

And to hear the nuances of Mr. Let's Nuke China's position, he really gets it right. I braced myself for his appearance on the Daily Show, only to find a odd and fidelitous harmony in his ranting. As his book tour, supporting his new tome, "Where the Right Went Wrong," has unfolded, Pat has articulated a great anti-Iraq-war stance that finds resonance with fellow uber-conservatives like Michael Moore.

Fixing Intelligence by Politicizing It
If there's one thing American intelligence gathering needs, it's more politics!

The bipartisan 9/11 committee found a legitimate issue in the lack of coordination among intelligence gathering organizations. Perhaps not the most pressing issue, but legitimate nonetheless. Not willing to let any opportunity to advance its agenda of global dominion, the GOP quickly sought to create an intelligence czar, reporting directly to Karl Rove. Apparently, George Tenet did not feel enough political pressure or at least feel beholden enough to it. But that problem is now fixed with the appointment of a stalwart GOP Congressman from a key battleground state.

By putting an intelligence director in the inner circle of the Presidency, especially this Presidency, America can be sure that intelligence gathering will be a politicized, agenda-bolstering affair, not one in which threats are objectively assessed and rationally analyzed. Never again will Presidents have to gamble on sending loose-cannons-of-truth like Joseph Wilson to investigate Nigerian Yellowcake. Nosireebob. With this control of intelligence, the White House can print up the findings first, then send the intelligencers down there and gather the supporting evidence. It's kind of like the research work of "creation scientists (sic)."

Rather than have a cold-blooded spy vs. spy professional head the effort, we're now going to have politically appointed politicians pushing political agendas through the ever-more-murky business of intelligence gathering. Next come the sweeping powers of intelligence gathering among citizens.

Oh wait. They already did that.

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  Legal Disclaimer: All information on this site has been carefully considered as to its inflammatory value against the backdrop of the prevailing standards of cultural depravity. Research is spotty at best. The resulting verbiage, though dead-on and wickedly insightful (not to mention inciteful) should be considered pure satire, if for no other reason than to deflect lawsuits.