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![]() Chronicling the new Empire of America, the uber-Bully. |
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7 July 2003 Turd of the Week "There
are some who feel like the conditions are such that they can attack
us there (Iraq). My answer is, 'bring them on!'" See
stories |
Blabbering
Bush Head Click
head for fresh random quote
from |
Sponsors:
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Going Strong in
Iraq Everything screwed up in Iraq is Saddam's fault. Let's just establish that right up front. He's still alive (How dare he live through our bombardments, the base coward!) and directing the resistance from under a camoflagued burka, using his Vulcan mind-warp powers that were definitely not taught to him by Donald Rumsfeld in 1988. The evidence for this brainwashing is simple: What sand-dwelling oil-hogging camel dingleberry would voluntarily resist the lure of American style (special export formula) freedom? To the parents of the American soldiers who are either being blown to bits in surprise attacks, or shooting pre-emptively into crowds of possible surprise attackers, rest assured that your sons' and daughters' dying and/or killing are moving the world toward a vision of utopian bliss in which the whole remaining world can join hands and worship the lingering freedom-concepts as defined by the corporate sponsorship of the Bush White House Inc. Being the world's uber-power is not always a glorious task. Nay, there are times where we face criticism from those who question our motives as well as our means. Rest assured those who doubt our divine supremacy will be flushed out, exposed as the freedom haters they are and will be subject to the most cruel tortures allowable within the ever growing allowances granted to the Freedom of Government Act. Praise be to the brave soldiers who are dying and killing in the name of corporate interests and hideously lopsided taxcuts, for their contributions to this great nation must come in the form of human fodder for the advance of wealth imbalance and the accumulation of power to the very few. Amen. |
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Poor Naive Liberia President Charles Taylor, who endorses sneakers for the Converse company when he isn't directing mass murder and exporting violence throughout Western Africa, is the subject of an Africa/U.N. witchhunt. In this case, the witch is real. Efforts to arrest him and subject him to answer to his victims' families is but the first step in restoring order to Liberia. But good ol' Kofi Annan is taking America at its word, conveniently ignoring the horrific mess we have made of Afghanistan and Iraq in the name of "liberation." One can't tell if he is naive to ask Bush for help, or actually just shrewdly calling his bluff. Either way it seems terribly ironic that an oilless nation without real or contrived ties to American-felt terror would receive any American attention. Nonetheless, Bush is heading to Africa (get ready for some primo Bush gaffe quotes from that visit, folks!) this week and may well use the opportunity to pretend to be the nation-builder he promised he would never become. Things will get ugly very quickly for Georgie as many of the armed combatants in Liberia are children. Is America ready for images of our soldiers shooting children? Of course not, so Clearchannel will offer a retrospective on the laudable career of Buddy Hackett instead. Meanwhile, tens of millions of Africans slaughtered in political violence get pushed off the newspapers by accounts of fruitless Anthrax-pond inspections. |
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Wal-Mart Extends
Abusive Labor Practices to Gays So the my-God-wants-your-lifestyle-criminalized boycotters are retreating deeper into the woodwork, buying gas from Exxon (the last of the top 10 US corporations to condone gay discrimination, having purged gay protections and partner benefits from Mobil's corporate philosophies upon merger) and doing bargain shopping online through strictlyhetero.com. Now Wal-Mart is in the vanguard by allowing gays to work unpaid overtime, live without any health insurance, work in the "adverse-risk" pool of worker compensation, be subjected to repeated violations of the National Labor Relations Act, and work in violation of U.N. standards of human and labor rights. But don't worry. This decision is likely to have little actual impact, as the aesthetics of your typical Wal-Mart are offensive to anyone with a modicum of good taste. |
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Jobless Rate Hits
Nine Year High, Bush Responds by Slashing Overtime Pay Whatever... May saw an additional job loss of 30,000. Hey George, you're running out of wiggle room for the economic rebound surge into the election. But fear not, work and wage wonks, for the Rhinestone Cowboy has economic stimulus in his package. His regime is rewriting major sections of the Fair Labor Practices Act (you know, the laws that provide hourly workers with overtime pay?) to reclassify millions of workers as administrative. This will exempt them from overtime pay, allowing employers to work their workers 12 hours a day, just like in America's glory days of the late 19th century when we were an industrial powerhouse and didn't have a bunch of sissies whining about industrial accidents and child labor. So, the ever-shrinking pool of the employed will now be able to be ridden harder and harder, further decreasing incentives for employers to hire new workers. The fixed costs of adding a new worker (benefits, surveillance equipment, etc...) will be avoided as Barons of Industry squeeze more sweat out of their chattel. But remember folks, as stated by Tammy McCutchen, the Labor Department's wage and hour administrator, "By recognizing the professional status of skilled employees, the proposed regulation will provide them a guaranteed salary and flexible hours." Bush finds a way to screw the employed and the unemployed all in one sweep of the pen. Ka-Ching! |
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Happy Birthday
America! Break out the frankenburgers, Crank up the Hummer, dust off the Ayatollah Assaholla t-Shirt and start blaring the xenophobic hate-based country tunes, 'cause we're proud of our flag, eagle and other icons of what-ever-it-is-the-commercials-say-we-stand-for. |
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Legal Disclaimer: All information on this site has been carefully considered as to its inflammatory value against the backdrop of the prevailing standards of cultural depravity. Research is spotty at best. The resulting verbiage, though dead-on and wickedly insightful (not to mention inciteful) should be considered pure satire, if for no other reason than to deflect lawsuits. |