u p d a t e d w e e k l y !
The Last Bastion of America's Liberal Media
8 Sep 2003
Turd of the Week
your Sunday night speech was certainly nauseating, but perhaps the ultimate
poop-justifying quote was "we cannot let past differences interfere
with present duties," regarding Old Europe's involvement in bailing
our failing asses out.
head for fresh random quote from
Iraq War Cost
Pan-Continental Organization! We Want You Back!
No, ain't no plea for help. It is an indication that our plan is maturing, working if you will, and that this just means that we're ready to move to phase 2, Operation Dump-Patriot-Eagle-Mess-into-Lap-of-Others-and-Run-Like-Freedom-Hell-Liberty. Yes, our democratic generosity knows no bounds as we're willing to share the terror fodder responsibilities with others, whose lives are by definition worth less than American lives.
Fear not brave patriots! In a classic outsourcing move, we seek to retain ultimate military control over the car bomb targe... I mean, the multilateral force. Rest assured, from the air-conditioned leather-seated bunker compound (with bitchin' surround sound stereo and digital plasma TV monitors!), Americans will direct the dirty little forces of other nations as we shift them from one seething cesspool of interventionist resentment to the next.
Next comes the little matter of coercing Germany, France, and Russia, members of the U.N. Security Council to sigh on to the plan. As it stands, these key players are resistant to the terms of America's plea for bailout. And Kofi, lest you and your buddies get any crazy ideas of putting conditions on your involvement... Well, we can whip up a batch of playing cards with your independent-minded mug as the Ace of Spades.
Oh, and by the way, we'll need another $60,000,000,000 to $80,000,000,000
In a nutshell, our
strategy is working with laser precision. Our prime targets, Usay and
Umay have been killed (I've got some pictures on my website www.georgiefighterpilot.net)
and the iron-fisted order imposed on Iraq has been lifted. No more are
the Iraqi peoples constrained into shallow lives enslaved by electricity
and clean water. Never again will religious and ethnic hatreds be cruelly
suppressed by the iron fist of a madman. As predicted, the people have
welcomed us with loaded... I mean open, arms.
I was wondering however,
if you might be able to turn over a few congressional sofa cushions and
maybe, spare... I don't know... sixty, maybe eighty billion, tops, until
we get back on our feet. Not that we aren't in good shape, just to kind
of keep things copacetic.
Anyway, this presidency thing is pretty neat, but I gotta tell ya', it can be real tiring! Some days they work me so hard, I miss my Walker, Texas Ranger reruns. Thank you Jesus for DVDs and my Secret Service guy who has figured out the remote control.
P.S. Please don't forget about the money.
Consider that America has the following under Bush:
Bush is a walking economic disaster. The numbers reveal that the only persons benefiting economically under his policies are the very rich with some table scraps for homeowners refinancing.
His policies of unilateral armageddon wreakage have costs far beyond the global alienation of affection. We are now left holding the tab for our foreign policy arrogance, which has a direct impact on our economy, stupid.
Now we're told by Bush that his policies have significantly blunted the otherwise disastrous impact of the recession, which by the way ended a year and a half ago.
But now we see the Bushies changing Pyongyang course from the bellicose "disarm totally before we talk about anything" to a more pragmatic staged approach of de-escalation. Shouldn't SOTC.com be happy about this? Well, yes, this is a welcome change on a number of fronts. First of all, pragmatism should always trump media imagery when it comes to international relations, a lesson that has heretofore escaped the Bush team from the "Axis of Evil" quote to the Fighter Pilot on the Carrier. What appeals to Joe and Cindy Sixpack is pretty much irrelevant in the global scene.
Secondly, despite the spin doctoring coming out of Washington, it is clear that huge heaping helpings of crow cachiatore are being served and slurped up at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. A change in course this radical is a sure sign that some of the dim bulbs in the Bush posse have a shred of filament left in them.
Lastly, it pulls the rug out from under the far right war-raging proponents of global terror as an instrument of American hegemony. From Rummy to Krauthammer to Limbaugh, the testosterone driven will be seething that their warlord is looking for an out to complex problems they feel can only be solved through greater waves of American violence. This might be a good week to twist the AM dial and here the piggies squirm.
New Voting Machine
Technologies! A Robotic Katherine Harris?
Diebold's CEO, Walden O'Dell is a leading fund-raiser for Bush's re-election campaign. He's hosted fund raisers at his house (a cool half a mil' for Bush). Cheney and Bush have given him lots of individual attention. At a recent fundraiser he declared that he is "committed to helping Ohio deliver its electoral votes to the president next year." Gee, what does he mean by that?
On the other side of things, Populex's board of directors includes Robert Carlucci, the CEO emeritus of the Carlyle Group, aka "The Ex-President's Club" which is chock full of GOP longtimers, including Poppy Bush and James "Election Thief" Baker.
So what? Lots of stuffed suits pull to the right, to protect themselves from the evil welfare supporting, business bashing lubrals who seek to enslave the bourgeois and they install Kim Jong Dean as imperial voice of God.
Well, as it happens, the technologies employed in these alleged state of the art voting counting devices are designed to allow vote tally manipulation and mid-vote cycle tallying, both activities of which are illegal in all American voting precincts. You'd think the machines would be designed around the voting laws designed to prevent such manipulations. E.g., the software wouldn't accommodate mid-vote subtotalling, and tally alteration could only be achieved through the front-end (i.e., voter behavior).
Brace yourself America. If the Bushies can't buy a second term, perhaps their buddies can give 'em a little boost.
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