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The Last Bastion of America's Liberal Media

13 Oct, 2003

Turd of the Week

C'mon Carl Rove, we know your spy-outing handiwork when we see it! Time to step out of the pimply fat shadows and embrace this week's ass-loggery that is yours to covet.


Blabbering Bush Head

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ARCHIVES
Iraq War Cost
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Civilian casualties update
This data is an accounting of civilian deaths in Iraq to date.
See Iraqbodycount.net for statistical methodologies



Sponsors:


Growing fat off juicy Iraqi rebuildin' contracts. Did you know the bin Laden group is one of our top investors?


screw all the other stockholders, we're cashing out!


Hey, what do you know? We make money from American militarily screwed up countries in the Middle East!


We're already negotiating with the “new Iraqi democracy” for oil rights!


Selling weapons all over the globe to ensure civilian death and instability which in turn ensures a strong market for years and years...

 

 

Professor Pissed!!! - Pisseder Than Ever, Mate!

Editor's Note: We share our readers' observations that SOTC.com has seen a significant drop-off in scholarly invective with the Clampettmobile-induced sabbatical of the good Professor. Having safely sequestered the Pissed family in a top secret nerve center of disgust in the British Isles, the Prof is in da' house, in an old school kinda way. We look forward to an alienation with a more observational tone as she provides a view from Junior America. Welcome back!
California's Steroidocracy
Who would have thought that an over the top body builder who has masqueraded as an actor and has a foreign accent thick as butter on bread could ever leap in at the last minute and win a major gubernatorial election in the US? I scoffed at the idea (from my perch here, far away, on the eastern side of the Atlantic) until the media started telling us that he was going to win.

I tried to dismiss the media, only to realize that, tautologically speaking, when the media (in particular sources such as major newspapers and on-line news services like AOL) say someone is going to win, that someone is, since it is their saying of it that in large part makes it so. (This fact is not in the least mitigated by the predictable, and seemingly inevitable, election-eve headlines screaming that the polls show the race is getting closer and closer....)

So the media -- that very same beast that made Arnold what he was before (a prize-winning body builder; a bad-actor/celebrity with Kennedy for a wife) -- has made him anew. Should I be glad that I no longer live in California? Or should I mourn a situation in which a steroid-inflated Austian-American man, his doll-like Kennedy-Shriver wife dutifully by his side, salutes a cheering electorate on the eve of his election on completely spurious conditions? This is the kind of alien that Californians should be running away from screaming, not the Central American immigrant who does most of the hard menial labor in the state.

Recall Gray Davis because we don't like the way things in California are going? What about following up on the criminals (including George W. Bush, his Enron buddies, and Schwarzenegger himself who, as Greg Palast recently revealed (article dated October 3, 2003), was present at a 2001 meeting in which Ken Lay and other nefarious bedfellows schemed to sweep the role of Enron in the California energy crisis neatly under the carpet of Republican lies and fatuous promises) who made California the mess it is? Davis is uninspiring -- but recall him? Last time I checked, the political system in the US was engineered to function through checks and balances such that such charades of false populism (as in the California proposition system's *let the people decide* baloney) would be impossible to carry through.

Damn. I guess maybe it is better to watch and judge from afar, but no less depressing to think of all the amazing, intelligent working people, intellectuals, and even the handful of decent politicians living in California (such as Cruz Bustamante) suffering under the regime of the Terminator. Thank heavens one has to have been born in the US to run for President (the only qualification, by the way, that George W. had going for him when he ran).

Signing off from England, Professor Pissed

...and O.J. is Still Searching for the Real Killer...
So George has laid down the law on his staff. If there was a leak, he want to know about it! So, he's distributing memos that instruct staffers "do not delete all emails pertaining to Joseph Wilson and his wife" and "under no circumstances should you hide all information on Operation Plame-Out (which is what it would be called if it existed, but it doesn't, so it isn't)"

Just to prove how tough our little GIJoe is on ethical violators, he's got the kingpin of Justice, John AssCrust heading up the investigation. Rest assured, under no circumstances will John's cozy relationship with Carl Rove (who's firm provided $750,000 worth of free direct mail service to John's losing campaign against a corpse) prejudice his profligate probe.

Let's not waste taxpayers' precious monies on independent investigators when those funds could help pay for another fat tax cut for Jack Welch.

The latest is Bush preparing the public for the distinct possibility that "we might never find the source of the leak." It sounds like he knows something we don't.

Grand Old Party Features Youthful Indiscretion Allowances
Do you like to chase the skirt, grab the ass, snort the drugs, puff the ganja, steal a car, go drunk driving and other adrenaline pumping activities, but you have political aspirations? Well, friend, we have just the thing for you! Don't spend time with those fringe weirdos in the Green Party or the starry-eyed Natural Law Party and certainly not the loser computer scientist brigade of Libertarians!

No, you need a party that both vilifies the activities of your youthful indiscretions, while playfully brushing them aside for your swift ascension to power. Heavens no, I'm not talking about the Democrats! Long before Thomas Eagleton, McGovern's initial veep running mate, was viciously outed for having sought electroshock treatment for depression ("how dare he?!"), the Democrats have been crucified for any behavior deemed incompatible for family values.

But cozy up with the Elephant and magic happens, baby! It doesn't matter if there are serious accounts of *sexual assault, long-standing cocaine abuse, drunk driving convictions, adultery, grand larceny, lying to Congress under oath, vehicular manslaughter, fraud, military desertion, - it's all in your past baby! Nobody's gonna touch you, babe! The Dems are too chickenshit to twist that sword! They're sissies who don't know how to play dirty like the pros. Look, not even Nixon succumbed to the Dems. They had to get the media to take care of it (and don't worry, we got them in our back pockets now).

So please, if you like to have a good time, and I mean, a really good time and don't want to get all hung up on who is spending time on which side of what law, remember: there's a place for you in America's political system - the Republican Party.


* Indiscretion Key, in order: Schwarzenegger, George W. Bush, George W. Bush, George H. W. Bush, Darryl Isa, Olly North, Laura Bush, George W. Bush, George W. Bush

Starving the Beast
The Crap Sickened Pundit spent a glorious weekend surrounded by brilliant minds. Once such mind, a world renown thinker and recipient of a MacArthur Genius Award, offered some interesting insights into the Republican agenda. While hardly earth shattering, it provides a frightening master plan in which conspiracy theorists can arrange the pieces into a compelling strategy to change America forever.

The plan, first espoused by Reagan's David Stockman (who later, recanted his role in Reagan's economic disaster) is to take the federal budget to the brink of bankruptcy by offering tax cuts for the wealthy, while hemorrhaging billions of federal dollars on military, jails and corporate welfare. While this has obvious direct benefits for GOP patrons, it also creates a federal budget which is so imbalanced that expenditures are limited to national defense, law enforcement and payments toward a massive federal debt.

With the debt large enough, it will deliberately starve social programs. Even as leadership changes hands to the Democrats, the Republican-stoked debt will be so enormous they will overwhelm the country's ability to consider funding social programs.

Reagan set this nation on the track toward deliberate federal financial brinkmanship. Bush I did little to right the trainwreck, but Clinton spent 8 years righting the federal government's budget. With Bush inheriting a government in the black, he has had to work feverishly to ensure the federal budget is lurching back toward insolvency. Interestingly, this wouldn't ultimately lower the overall tax bill, but it would mean that funding normally earmarked to help people (bad!!!) would be used to pay debt payments to foreign creditors (like our good friends the Saudis, who could use the money to continue to fund Al Q'eada).

Bush continues to make promises that he wants to fund social programs (AIDS assistance for Africa, Hydrogen car funding), but as months pass and the promises evaporate while other priorities beckon, the beast remains starved.

My Name is Rush and I'm a Big Fat Idiot Drug Addict
I haven't taken the time to research Mr. Limbaugh's many lock-em-up-and-throw-away-the-key sermonettes about drug users, and at this point, it doesn't really matter. He can give excuses about back surgery until the cows come home, but the simple facts are:

  • he's been buying illegal drugs
  • he's addicted to the most powerful prescription drug of all - Oxy Contin (aka timed release Morphine)
  • Rush isn't right

Surely, someone will swoop in and fill the void for all the knee-jerks who want bumpersticker logic for the problems of the world. Until then it is great sport watching the sanctimonous suffer from afflictions of their own disgust.

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