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14 Mar 03
Chronicling the new Empire of America, the uber-Bully.

Turd of the Week

This week's TOW goes to the Donald. Yep, Rummy is pushing the coronation of Ahmad Chabali as the Howdy Doody to his Buffalo Bob.

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The Good News
As we crap-sickened have yearned for a minimization of casualties in America's bid for global dominion, we are relieved to see how quickly Baghdad succumbed. The shockingly quick capitulation of the Republican Army after similarly surprisingly feisty resistance in southern Iraq, means American global alienation need not be as high as it could be (though let's be realistic, we're still pariahs) and there remains substantial Iraqi support for the invasion which would never have been the case had Saddam fought to the bitter street fighting end in Baghdad.

It was truly comforting to see the promise of Saddam's ouster and people so gleeful.

Civilian casualties update
This data is an accounting of civilian deaths in Iraq to date.
See Iraqbodycount.net for statistical methodologies


screw all the other stockholders, we're cashing out!

Hey, what do you know? We make money from American militarily screwed up countries in the Middle East!

We're already negotiating with the “new Iraqi democracy” for oil rights!

Selling weapons all over the globe to ensure civilian death and instability which in turn ensures a strong market for years and years...


It's Our Football...
Now that we seem to have Saddam either on the run, buried under rubble or living in a suburban Tucson subdivision under the witness protection program name "Mr. Johnson," we have the opportunity to allow true representative leadership to take root in this country decimated by decades of despotic rule and superpower sponsorship. There could be no better way to confer the native leader mantle than to engage an organization whose very reason for being is the global establishment of peace. Hmmm... maybe we could call such an organization "The United Nations."

But no. The Bush White House continues its xenophobic ultra-chauvanistic display of global phallustry in insisting that America will call the shots. The pathetic lip service given to the UN role of providing "food and aid" is so paternalistic and rife with racist overtones that it would serve as bitter justice should the UN decline such a demeaning role. But the UN won't because it is committed to a noble cause, in stark contrast to GWB's push for power, like some sort of B-grade Disney villain.

America has freed the Shia, the Sunnis, the Kurds and other assorted ethnic peoples from the grip of Saddam. But the difficult task to helping this group of people, whose nationhood was defined by British geopolitical caprice nearly a decade ago, is far beyond the abilities of partisan power plays. Watch out world, it's going to get very ugly.

Now we see images of liberated Iraqis in turn liberating office furniture, cash from banks, beds from hospitals, etc... With looting and chaos everywhere, it looks like we're bringing Detroit style freedom to Baghdad.

Whoops, I just read of the political assassinations that are ramping up with the deaths of Shiite clerics and more on the way. It looks like this is going to be another Afghanistan, where America declares victory, provides minimal token security for the capital and then walks away from the rest of the country as it sinks into anarchy. Tommy Franks is heading back to Afghanistan to show the world we can fight a whole lotta warz all over the place. Zalmay Khalilzad, Prez Bush's Special Representative to Afghanistan and Iraq reassures us that Afghanistan's government will serve as the model for postwar Iraq. Bully.

Professor Pissed is Back on Top of Her Game!
The Ace of Spades
OK, let me get this straight. The U.S. government is openly trying to murder not only the leader of another nation -- Saddam Hussein -- but virtually his entire extended family, as well as almost 50 other Iraqi bureaucrats thought to have been involved in his dirty business.

Imagine if, say, Vicente Fox publicly stated his intention to murder George Bush, Laura, the girls, and that nefarious crew of election-stealing relatives spread across Texas and Florida. Don't imagine that would go over too well among the American public (I can just hear the self-righteous, incensed responses, interpreting such an event in terms of the U.S.'s more *advanced* ethical system, as compared to the primitive third world beliefs of Mexico).

Not only is the Bush administration, and those unfortunate yet hardy 20 year olds we have sent over to do his dirty business, trying to assassinate Saddam, now the military has issued playing cards with the *hits* illustrated on each card -- Saddam being the ace of spades (cute sense of humor there).

What a fun game! You, too, Mr. Hernandez from Anaheim (aged 19; worried mother at home awaiting your return), Ms. Black from North Carolina (aged 21, graduated from college, a bright future ahead of you, boyfriend at home yearning for the war to end), Mr. White from Minnesota (aged 25, wife pregnant with your third child, waiting anxiously for you to come back, tears in her eyes) -- you, too, can bag a kill. Just pick up your 55 card deck from your commanding officer, pass out the cards among your friends, and go find a few evil Iraqis to murder. The one with the most kills wins.

Maybe you have to scalp your victims or bring their heads back on a stick to prove you really killed them.

Are there any children in the deck? We've sure killed a few -- oh, yeah, but those were mistakes. Along with all the friendly fire incidents. But that's what happens when you have a war on. Along with those assassinations. Can't be helped. Can't help ourselves. All for the cause of freedom. Freedom to be capitalist -- that is, American.

Good thing the U.S. is monitoring so carefully the Iraqis' adherence to the international laws governing wartime behavior among nations. Wouldn't want anyone to break any laws.

This is Professor Pissed coming at you, jealously wishing I could join in the game. Not. (Editor's note: the trailing "not" of the early 90's vernacular has been retained in its pristine innocence to underscore the author's refusal to embrace the trends of the day)

The Good Professor, who should be fat and happy on the California Higher Education meal ticket, is instead contemplating her geopolitical residency options.

Al Jazeera Knocked Out, Hacked Into and Generally Shat Upon
In the past two weeks, Al Jazeera has experienced a series of attacks on their site, including hacking, denial of service attacks, the domain hijacking and political pressure has been put on service providers of the English language version to discontinue service.

It's good to see the US is upholding free speech in the US and around the world.

The Skinny on Ahmad Chabali
Oh, this guy is a piece of work. Among his notable accomplishments:

  • Sentenced to 22 years hard labor for $70 million worth of fraudulent practices leading to the collapse of the Jordanian bank he founded. Oddly, he just so happened to be out of the country for the trial and subsequent sentencing.
  • Under investigation by the US State Dept for mismanagement of the $4.3 million given to his INC organization (including payments for stateside swimming pool construction!)
  • Hasn't lived in Iraq for over 40 years, but struggled alongside his fellow patriots from his leather Barcolounger.
  • Has no credibility among ANY of the Iraqi groups today.

...and yet he's Rummy's guy for the top spot as the new Iraq dictator? Yep, he was flown into southern Iraq last week. If he takes the helm, it may make for an awkward pan-Arabic summit meeting in Jordan. Given strong reservations from the CIA and the US State Dept, Rummy may find a lump in coal in this particular stocking.

Whoops, Wrong Flag on the Head!
Way to go Corporal Edward Chin! By acting out of the American hubris that none of us Americans are supposed to be feeling, much less displaying, your flag move reinforced every Arab stereotype of American bullying. The quick switcheroo to the classic Iraq flag? Too little and way too late. The flag image will burn in the minds of Arabs for decades, as it confirms their deepest fears about us.

Of course, the flag stunt was icing on the cake of the greater spectacle of Iraqis trying to topple the statue, only to be dismissed with an international hand wave gesture by US Marines, as the Iraqis tried to help in the final logistics of the topple. There's your metaphore, folks.

Meanwhile, While We're All Watching the Pretty Fireworks...
The tepid Wall Street uptick and subsequent return to Dow Jones doldrums was not quite the power surge that Bush's economic stimulus package on the tip of a warhead was intended to be. Not that anybody cares, but the economy continues to sink toward hell in a debt-laden handbasket. The net job losses since Bush was in office are now totaling 2,400,000. That doesn't include the millions of Americans who are settling for jobs making far less money than they used to, while looking for meaningful work. Q
uestion for Republicans: At what point does the blaming Clinton for all ills thing expire? We thought all the tax cuts and dividend exclusion were supposed to do something positive against the heavy burden of Clintonomics. What gives? Is it the cumulative effects of Clinton, Carter, Johnson and Kennedy, which conveniently ignores the recent Republicans, who have been the biggest deficit busters in history?

Over on Capital Hill, the House was busy furtively working on passage of the new "energy" bill, aka Welfare for Impoverished Petroleum Multinational Corporations, a handout, not a hand-up. It features Alaskan Wildlife Refuge Rape and Pillage provisions, mandated doubling of levels of corn diverted from human food to SUV food (sorry starving masses, my video rental return is late!), red tape reduction for dam construction, tax breaks for the poor beleaguered electrical utilities as they install new power lines (whose placement would now be federally determined) into your neighborhood, $18,700,000,000 in tax breaks for the poor beleaguered oil, gas, new-kyew-lur and coal industries, stripping away legislation which would have required increases in fleet fuel economy, but wait... a table scrap for us treehuggers - $1.8 billion in hydrogen vehicle research - Ed Begley Jr. loves you, George!!!

The Price Paid
The pundits of Sick of this Crap deeply regrets the loss of:

  • Capt. James F. Adamouski
  • Lt. Thomas Mullin Adams
  • Spc. Jamaal R. Addison
  • Capt. Tristan N. Aitken
  • Cpl. Stephen John Allbutt
  • Sapper Luke Allsopp
  • Lance Corporal Brian E. Anderson
  • Maj. Jay Aubin
  • Lance Cpl. Andrew Julian Aviles
  • Pfc. Chad E. Bales
  • Maj. Steve Ballard
  • Capt. Ryan Beaupre
  • Pfc. Wilfred D. Bellard
  • Sgt. Michael E. Bitz
  • Lance Cpl. Thomas A. Blair
  • Staff Sgt. Stevon A. Booker
  • Spc. Mathew G. Boule
  • Lance Cpl. Shaun Andrew Brierley
  • Cpl. Henry L. Brown
  • Army Spc. Larry K. Brown
  • Lance Cpl. Brian Rory Buesing
  • Sgt. George Edward Buggs
  • Sgt. Jacob L. Butler
  • Staff Sgt. James W. Cawley
  • Colour Sgt. John Cecil
  • 2nd Lt. Therrel S. Childers
  • Trooper David Jeffrey Clarke
  • Capt. Aaron J. Contreras
  • Staff Sgt. Simon Cullingworth
  • Spc. Daniel Francis J. Cunningham
  • Cpl. Michael Edward Curtin
  • Staff Sgt. Wilbert Davis
  • Master Sgt. Robert J. Dowdy
  • Pvt. Ruben Estrella-Soto
  • Lance Bombadier Llywelyn Karl Evans
  • Cpl. Mark A. Evnin
  • Master Sgt. George A. Fernandez
  • Capt. Travis A. Ford
  • Lance Cpl. David K. Fribley
  • Cpl. Jose A. Garibay
  • Pfc. Juan Guadalupe Garza Jr.
  • Cpl. Jorge A. Gonzalez
  • Cpl. Bernard G. Gooden
  • Lt. Philip D Green RN
  • Pfc. Christian D. Gurtner
  • Lance Cpl. Jose Gutierrez
  • Cpt. Philip Stuart Guy
  • Chief Warrant Officer Erik A. Halvorsen
  • Marine Sholto Hedenskog
  • Sgt. Les Hehir
  • Sgt. Nicholas M. Hodson
  • Staff Sgt. Lincoln D. Hollinsaid
  • Lance Cpl. Matty Hull
  • Pfc. Gregory P. Huxley, Jr.
  • Chief Warrant Officer Scott Jamar
  • Cpl. Evan T. James
  • William A. Jeffries
  • Pfc. Howard Johnson II
  • Hospital Corpsman Third Class (Fleet Marine Force) Michael Vann Johnson Jr.
  • Pvt. Devon D. Jones
  • Staff Sgt. Phillip A. Jordan
  • 2nd Lt. Jeffrey J. Kaylor
  • Cpl. Brian Kennedy
  • Spc. James M. Kiehl
  • Lt. Antony King
  • Capt. Edward J. Korn
  • Sgt. Bradley S. Korthaus
  • Sgt. Michael V. Lalush
  • Lt. Marc A. Lawrence RN
  • Staff Sgt. Nino D. Livaudais
  • Spc. Ryan P. Long
  • Christopher R Maddison
  • Lance Cpl. Joseph B. Maglione
  • Flight Lt. Kevin Barry Main
  • Lance Cpl. Ian Keith Malone
  • Pfc. Francisco A. Martinez Flores
  • Chief Warrant Officer Johnny Villareal Mata
  • Staff Sgt. Donald C. May, Jr.
  • Sgt. Brian D. McGinnis
  • 1st Lt. Brian M. McPhillips
  • Cpl. Jesus Martin Antonio Medellin
  • Marine Gunnery Sgt. Joseph Menusa
  • Pfc. Jason M. Meyer
  • Pfc. Anthony S. Miller
  • Spc. George A. Mitchell
  • Staff Sgt. Chris Muir
  • Piper Christopher Muzvuru
  • Marine Maj. Kevin G. Nave
  • Lance Cpl. Patrick R. Nixon
  • Spc. Donald S. Oaks Jr.
  • Lance Cpl. Patrick T. O'Day
  • Lance Cpl. Eric J. Orlowski
  • Sgt. Fernando Padilla- Ramirez
  • Sgt. Michael F. Pedersen
  • Pfc. Lori Piestewa
  • 2nd Lt. Frederick E. Pokorney Jr
  • Pvt. Kelley S. Prewitt
  • Sgt. 1st Class Randall S. Rehn
  • Pfc. Diego Fernando Rincon
  • Sgt. Duane R. Rios
  • Capt. Russell B. Rippetoe
  • Sgt. Todd J. Robbins
  • Sgt. Steven Mark Roberts
  • Cpl. Robert M. Rodriguez
  • Cpl. Randal Kent Rosacker
  • Spc. Brandon J. Rowe
  • Capt. Benjamin W. Sammis
  • Spc. Gregory P. Sanders
  • Staff Sgt. Scott D. Sather
  • Capt. Christopher Scott Seifert
  • Mechanic (Comm.) Second Class Ian Seymour
  • Lance Cpl. Karl Shearer
  • Cpl. Erik H. Silva
  • Pfc. Brandon Sloan
  • Lance Cpl. Thomas J. Slocum
  • 1st Sgt. Edward Smith
  • Chief Warrant Officer Eric A. Smith
  • Sgt. 1st Class Paul R. Smith
  • Lance Cpl. Jesus A. Suarez Del Solar
  • Sgt. Roderic A. Solomon
  • Lance Cpl. Barry 'Baz' Stephen
  • Staff Sgt. Robert A. Stever
  • Maj. Gregory Stone
  • Warrant Officer Second Class Mark Stratford
  • Reserve Spc. Brandon S. Tobler
  • Fusilier Kelan John Turrington
  • Sgt. Donald Walters
  • Maj. Jason Ward
  • Staff Sgt. Kendall Damon Waters-Bey
  • Pfc. Michael Russell Creighton Weldon
  • Lt. Philip West
  • Lance Cpl. William W. White
  • Flight Lt. David Rhys Williams
  • Sgt. Eugene Williams
  • Lt. James Williams
  • Lance Cpl. Michael J. Williams
  • Lt. Andrew S. Wilson RN

...who are the Allied known fatalities to date (midday at 04/12/03). We also mourn the untold Iraqi dead whom we won't likely have names of ever, although thanks to the Iraqbodycount.net, we know the numbers to between the two figures of .

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