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The Last Bastion of America's Liberal Media

22 Dec, 2003

Turd of the Week

Strom Thurmond, world renown racist rapist. You may be dead, but whatever chance you had at a legacy of a reformed sinner was ripped asunder by your failure to come to terms with your awful past as a 21 year-old raping a 15 year old negro (sic) servant.

Blabbering Bush Head

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Iraq War Cost
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Civilian casualties update
This data is an accounting of civilian deaths in Iraq to date.
See Iraqbodycount.net for statistical methodologies


Growing fat off juicy Iraqi rebuildin' contracts. Did you know the bin Laden group is one of our top investors?

screw all the other stockholders, we're cashing out!

Hey, what do you know? We make money from American militarily screwed up countries in the Middle East!

We're already negotiating with the “new Iraqi democracy” for oil rights!

Selling weapons all over the globe to ensure civilian death and instability which in turn ensures a strong market for years and years...



Saddam and Associates
Now that we have Jerry Garcia captured and under every level of torture allowed by our post-911 updated sense of morality (with promises of a tidy handoff to the Pakistani Intelligence Office, should facts not come copiously and freely), it's time to do some justice! The evidence should be easily paraded about with pictures of corpse piles and tortured Iraqis telling horror stores of the second most recent corrupt regime to pillage Iraq. The tales will be as horrific and numerous as the depth of Saddam's evil, which is certainly voluminous.

Of course, no despot can achieve his levels of evil all by himself (sexism apologies to all you lady potentates). So we expect justice to include all the conspirators who fomented, blessed and encouraged the growth of this monster and provided him the means of his sweeping evil, including:

1. The United States Central Intelligence Agency, who nurtured the Baath Party, transforming it from a tiny political sect of 850 members into a dominant political presence in the Middle East. They ensconced Saddam in power, knowing since the 60's of his intention to invade Kuwait. But hey, after all, the enemy of my enemy (Iraq and Iran, respectively) is my friend and well as welfare for the defense contractors.

2. Donald Rumsfeld. The pictures of Reagan's Chief of Staff schmoozing with mustache weren't just an embarrassing coincidence later dismissable by a Press Secretary. No, as Reagan's point man, he was often the provider of critical information, poisons and intelligence necessary for the purveyance of genocidal terror.

3. Ronald Wilson Reagan. The man who would be a dime. He led the administration that did more than anyone to create the Saddam we know and loathe. Saddam fought Iran, and that was enough for the pre-Altzheimic (if pre-) Reagan to water, fertilize and weed this monster.

4. AT&T, Bechtel, Caterpillar, Dow Chemical, Dupont, Kodak, Hewlett-Packard, and IBM - a short list of companies who worked with the blessings of the Reagan White House to shore up Saddam's grip on Iraqis.

Yep, in 1984 the Reagan - Bush team provided Saddam with the following goodies:

  • Bacillus Anthracis, cause of anthrax.
  • Clostridium Botulinum, a source of botulinum toxin.
  • Histoplasma Capsulatam, cause of a disease attacking lungs, brain, spinal cord, and heart.
  • Brucella Melitensis, a bacteria that can damage major organs.
  • Clostridium Perfringens, a highly toxic bacteria causing systemic illness.
  • Clostridium tetani, a highly toxigenic substance
  • Satellite intelligence of Iranian and Kurd whereabouts

...which were used by Saddam in his chemical weapons attacks on the Kurds and Iranians, a now legendary piece of evidence used to paint the portrait of a monster. After gassing the Kurds, Congress sought to impose economic sanctions on Saddam, but Reagan stepped in and derailed the effort. Rumsfeld was dispatched to soothe the ire of folks who took umbrage at Saddam's use of our delivered goodies.

Using chemical weapons on Kurds and Iranians is perfectly fine to the Reagans and Bushes of the world, but mess with our oil and you get transformed into public enemy number one.

But don't worry fellow disgustees, Bush is seen as a man of principle, so you can bet he will ferret out all those who supported Saddam's evil reign of terror and hold them fully accountable. Just wait until they start checking Reagan for head lice...

Timing is the Key to Justice
You can bet the trial of Saddam is the subject of much debate in the Bush White House. Seems to me like a pretty open and shut case - a few eyewitnesses, some bone piles and bam! Off he goes to a Federal Prison in Texas. But the Iraqis want something to say about it, and the international community has the expertise to handle the trial with proper reverence to justice, sans circus trappings.

Guess what? The Bushies want the trial to be conducted by Iraqis. But due to the nascent state of their rebuilt nation, the trial probably won't be held until September or October of this year. Wow, what a coincidence! That's just before the next Presidential election!

Do you think there's any chance that Saddam's lawyer will get to call witnesses, like the aforementioned list of co-conspirators?

Professor Pissed - Disgust from Across the Pond

Ladies and Gentlemen, We Got the King of Pop, the Baby Sniper, etc...
Even the UK on-line servers are headlining with "Jacko's" other-worldly visage as he (that would be Michael Jackson, the famous white female pop star from outer space) contests charges of child abuse leveled against him by prosecutors who have been desperate to bring him down for a decade. Meanwhile, the British government is getting set to perform its public inquest on the death of Diana (thank heavens she's finally back on the front pages! what did we do without her all these months!). The second Washington sniper, Lee Malvo, has been convicted, as has child-murderer Ian Huntley from the innocuous-seeming British town of Soham, who just went down for the count (he'll be in jail till he dies).

Here's to law and order in the New Year! Maybe first-world governments such as those of the USA and the UK will themselves start to pay attention to international law again. We can always hope!

Meanwhile, political events are even more surreal-seeming than the cross-raced, cross-gendered, cross-sexed, and basically semi-martian Jacko.... These are my coordinates:

In London, Tony and Cherie Blair insist that the media not publish photographs of their youngest child, while sending out Christmas cards including his image. (But I'll have to hand it to Cherie, who lectured this week to Catholic leaders here about the misogyny of the church policies and leadership -- you go girl!)

George W. spent a few minutes at Kill Devil Hills (OK, I come from North Carolina -- I 'd rather have him keep his stinkin' right-wing self out of MY home state, along with Jessie Helms and the rest of 'em) sitting with the likes of John Travolta (so much for the renegade characters he played in Saturday Night Fever and Pulp Fiction) watching the failed attempt to re-stage the Wright Brothers' historic flight from 100 years ago.... Do I have to be subjected, even in England, to a photograph of Bush leering into the camera, Travolta fawning unctuously into his lap, both occupying space IN MY HOME STATE?!?!

I guess so. Now that Bush has "captured" Saddam, he can just go anywhere he wants, basking in his newly reinvigorated role as cowboy "president" (I refuse to adorn him with that moniker outside of quotation marks). As for finding Saddam: I'm convinced -- mark my words -- that the Bush administration knows exactly where Osama is as well and will heave him out of some dark hole about a month before the next presidential election -- convenient, isn't it, the way these tyrants resurface just as the polls are slipping inexorably downward, given the fatuousness and horror of the whole "anti-terrorist" enterprise?

Back in California, Arnie is busy circumventing the legislature, assigning funds directly to local governmental bodies by executive order while, with the other hand, giving his finance director, Donna Arduin, a free hand to make massive ($150 million) cuts in higher education in order to offset the funds lost when he got rid of vehicle licensing fees unilaterally after he stepped into office. (Yes, I know, if you haven't lived in California this sounds labyrinthine -- but anything that applies to the car culture -- a culture enjoyed, of course, only by the middle and upper classes who can afford them -- is always a red button issue in California; the short of it is that Arnie used this to grandstand by cutting perfectly reasonable extra taxes put into place by his fairly elected predecessor's administration, leaving the budget in the lurch -- so, naturally, education coffers have to be depleted yet again, so that people who already have money aren't inconvenienced financially when they want to register their cars....)

And, last but not least, in Israel Ariel Sharon is baiting the Palestinians once again, giving them ultimata he has no right to put forth. (You deal with terrorism or we'll take over your land illegally, again.) Geez. What's wrong with these people?

Sigh. Over the holidays, lest I get bogged down in worrying about the health (or even continuing existence) of the planet, I guess I'll spend my free time thinking about Jacko.... At least the superficiality he/she/it represents on all levels corresponds with the ultimate profound inanity of popular culture at its best. The superficial machinations of Arnie, George W., Tony B., Sharon and their ilk have much scarier implications. I'd rather not think about it over this glorious holiday season. Happy Hannukah, and hope your Eid celebration was fantastic. Have a great Kwaanza, and a very lovely New Year!

For Christmas, the good professor wants a cessation to the bullshit ravaging the world, a sea change in western leadership and a Lucky Locket Kiddle.

Enemy Combatant Keeps Coming Back At 'em
Jose Padilla, the American citizen alleged terrorist that just won't accept the suspension of his citizen rights, won an important victory in his right be treated like an American citizen. The second court of Appeals ruled that, despite the clever new name of enemy combatant, a citizen is to be treated as a citizen. Apparently these stupid judges are succombing to the dumbassery of the Founding Fathers. You can bet John Ashcroft's eye bags sagged another inch when he heard that he can't arbitrarily come up with a cool sounding name for bad guy and avoid all the messy bureaucracy associated with the Geneva conventions and that impedimentary Bill of Rights thing.

Just goes to show you that even when you pack the bench with right wing numbskulls, justice can have a way of finding the light of day.

I'm Sorry, I Thought by the Word "Freedom" You Meant "Freedom"
During his reign of terror, Saddam Hussein made sure he used the ultimate tool of dissent suppression - murder - to ensconce himself with power. Well, that lesson is not lost on Paul Bremmer, the new dictator of Iraq. According to an Army interpreter, Iraqi protesters have been informed that "Any demonstration against the government or coalition forces will be fired upon." Lesser punishments can include long jail terms, and loss of employment in the public sector.

According to Lieutenant Colonel Steven Russell, "They (Tikrit citizens) are not allowed to go around kissing pictures of Saddam in this city. It will not happen."

Wow, these Iraqis must be astounded at the sweeping changes that are transforming their nation from one of a people dominated by a ruthless dictator bent on killing all dissent to impose power to that of a people dominated by a ruthless dictator bent on killing all dissent to impose power.

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