d a t e d w e e k l y !
the new Empire of America, the uber-Bully.
Don't deny those were your pudgy pig hooves on the keyboard during the
editing of the EPA state of environment-minus-any-references-potentially-offensive-to-big-oil
Feature! Blabbering Bush Head
head for fresh random quote
Jacob Weinberg's The Complete Bushisms
- Netscape users hit reload
This data is an accounting
of civilian deaths in Iraq to date.
for statistical methodologies
fat off juicy Iraqi rebuildin' contracts. Did you know the bin Laden
group is one of our top investors?
all the other stockholders, we're cashing out!
Hey, what do you know? We make money from American militarily screwed
up countries in the Middle East!
already negotiating with the new Iraqi democracy for oil
weapons all over the globe to ensure civilian death and instability
which in turn ensures a strong market for years and years...
The Plot Sickens
So, in a move completely unrelated to the building tidal wave of global
pressure to get to the bottom of the WMD intelligence maybe-disaster,
the CIA has exiled two senior officials who were previously deeply involved
in gathering and analyzing intelligence on Iraq's WMD. One of the ostrich-sized
officials headed up the Iraq Issue Group, responsible for analysis of
US intelligence on Iraq. The other headed up the Iraq Task Force, which
provided direct support to military leaders during the war.
stop that negative thinking right now because, according to the CIA spokesman
Bill Harlow, it is "absolutely wrong to think this is somehow punitive
or negative or indicative of anything other than a normal rotation."
See? You were getting all worked up over nothing!
The White House is
making lots of not-so-behind-the-scenes moves to position the CIA as the
lump-taker here, even though much compelling evidence exists that Rummy
circumvented CIA intelligence in favor of his own spooks' work since the
CIA provided lots of intelligence that refuted hawkish claims. It's a
fascinating cover-up to see the White House trying to reposition the original
debate, rewrite the CIA's role, all while just plain dodging issues like
the Nigerian nuke sale that was paraded around publicly, months after
the White House knew better.
Is it time to dust
off the old Reagan "I am a non-recollecting dumbass" defense?
Come on Down! You're our Next Contestant!
If for any reason Iraq is unable to fulfill her duties as harborer of
WMD or cohort of Osama, Iran, the first runner-up will become the primary
villain of the USA. The trash-talkin' Rhinestone Cowboy is ramping up
the whoopass machine on Ira
qn, or maybe he is just mispronouncing
Iraq - well, does it really matter? The point is Ira qn harbors
terror (we really mean it this time!) and with our soldiers getting bogged
down in the messiness that is Iraq (as compared to the sexy bombing, statue
felling, hero-contriving activities of invasion), we need to turn our
attention to what America does best - nation crushing.
The WMD is actually
playing well for Bush. If it turns out America doesn't care about being
sold a bunch of crap about Iraq, then Bush just appears more arbitrarily
monstrous to the rest of the world, making him a more believable psychotic
kill-demon capable of wiping out nations for reasons he can discover after
the fact. Now, what mullah wouldn't be shi'itting in his drawers over
Pares Printing Costs for EPA
In a strong sign that the White House is serious about cost containment,
the Bush administration is removing pages from the EPA's state of the
environment report. Not-so-arbitrary edits to keep duplication costs low
include the removal of long boring passages which drone on and on about
global warming, consequences to the human condition (snore!) and replacing
these stiff and overly analytical sections with some exiting factoids
from the American Petroleum Institute, which has nothing to do with Dick
Cheney's million dollar a year retainer from Halliburton, or Bush's nonexistent
ties to the energy industry. Ultimately, the API's analysis-with-an-attitude
contributions were dropped for fear that any mention of the global warming
issue would just further worry a public that is more obsessed with bomb-hardening
their Hummers in preparation for Iranian terror attacks.
So now, the state
of the environment sidesteps the whole issue of global warming, while
scientific evidence is pushing skeptics increasingly into the remote margins
of the scientific community.
New Theory of WMD...
An intriguing theory is going around pop intelligence circles that Saddam
didn't in fact have WMD recently , but had a huge interest in perpetuating
the illusion he did. Syria, the Kurds and even western forces had a deep
seated belief that Saddam had 'em, had an itchy trigger finger, and was
just looking for an excuse to launch 'em, so nobody messed with him until
he met a crazier guy with an itchier trigger finger.
Hey, it makes sense!
All the fear inducement of chemical, biological and nuclear weaponry without
the mess, expense, management overhead and damn scientist ethical backlash!
And how easy is it to perpetuate this illusion to a terrorism-paranoid
C'mon! Once Bush phrased
the debate in terms of "prove to us you don't have it" all Saddam
had to do was send out a few vague pronouncements. Simmer slowly over
Fox"News" and Voila!
Accuses Critics of "Revisionist History"
Political strategists and cliquish teenagers have long known that the best
defense is a good offense. Particularly useful is an accusation toward foes
that is the very charge you yourself wish to defend against.
Thus it stands as
numbingly ironic that Bush declares the growing issue of "Where them
WMD at?" as revisionist history. For it is clearly Bush who is attempting
to reframe his words of late 2002 and early 2003 away from the imminent
threat to America posed by Saddam Hussein, to the liberation from evil,
which of course never inspired his constituency, except as a last gasp
after-the-fact justification for ass-kicking.
- Bush's repeated
and unambiguous claims that Iraq posed a clear and imminent threat to
American security stands as fact.
- His recitation,
and that of his lackeys, of the inventory of known weaponry and facilities
stands as fact.
- His claim of Iraq's
pursuit of Nigerian uranium (months after the CIA and Cheney's office
had received clear analysis of their bogacity) stand as fact.
- His insistence
of Al Q'aeda cohorting with Saddam Hussein stands as fact.
Now, his recent depiction
of Iraqi liberation and facilities for the potential creation of WMD as
invasion rationale serves to illustrate just who is attempting to revise
history. Fortunately, the words from his recent past betray him and show
him as he is, a man incapable of admitting he led the country to war for
reasons that largely have proven to be incorrect.
on Bush's List of Peoples to be Liberated...
So, it turns out that Bush was liberating Iraqi people from evil all along.
It had nothing to do with the WMD or the links to Al Q'aeda or to imminent
threats to America. That stuff was in the script for "bureaucratic
reasons." (Thanks Wolfie, that's a high-mileage line!) Nope, our leader
is a liberator of oppressed peoples.
So just to help do
my citizen part, here's the list of countries that are next up. Let's
just keep it one continent, for now - Africa:
- 9 year civil war, mass graves, thousands killed, political assassinations.
- Cote d'Ivoire
- government and rebel forces in western Côte dIvoire are
responsible for massacres of civilians, rape, reprisal killings and
- The Ethiopian government is muzzling educators and students with a
policy of harsh repression that includes extrajudicial killings, arbitrary
arrests, and widespread denials of freedom of opinion and association.
- Kenya -
Millions of women in sub-Saharan Africa are robbed, beaten, raped, and
evicted-often by their own in-laws because women are deemed unworthy
of equal property rights
- Liberia -
Government troops and pro-government militias are responsible for summarily
killing, torturing and abusing civilians, raping women and girls, and
abducting civilians for forced labor and combat.
- The OPC, one of the powerful rebel groups, uses fire-arms, machetes,
cutlasses, knives, daggers and acid to torture and kills hundreds of
victims, frequently they set fire to the corpses, sometimes after mutilating
- Rwanda -
hundreds of thousands of children have been killed and maimed.
- Sierra Leone
- thousands of women and girls of all ages, ethnic groups, and socioeconomic
classes have been subjected to widespread and systematic sexual violence,
including individual and gang rape, and rape with objects such as weapons,
firewood, umbrellas and pestles.
- Been there, done that. Too messy, as 19 Americans were killed.
- Sudan -
government has targeted and bombed civilians and civilian objects, including
relief distribution locations, churches, and schools, causing many civilian
casualties and damage to the fragile civilian infrastructure of the
- Togo - Children
sold into slavery by the thousands.
- Uganda -
In total, a conservatively estimated 20,000 children have been abducted
during the conflict between the LRA and the Ugandan government, subjected
to brutal treatment as soldiers, laborers and sexual slaves.
Given Dubya's deep
commitment to liberating nations from despotic conditions, regardless
of whether or not they have deep oil reserves or tried to kill his Dad,
we expect to see military moves toward Africa shortly.