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The Last Bastion of America's Liberal Media

25 Aug 2003

Turd of the Week

Roy "My God can beat up your god" Moore wins this week's glistening mastodon scat of honor for his continued insistence that mandated rules for proper Christian worship are the foundation of Talibama's legal system.

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Blabbering Bush Head

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Jacob Weinberg's The Complete Bushisms
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Iraq War Cost
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Civilian casualties update
This data is an accounting of civilian deaths in Iraq to date.
See Iraqbodycount.net for statistical methodologies


Growing fat off juicy Iraqi rebuildin' contracts. Did you know the bin Laden group is one of our top investors?

screw all the other stockholders, we're cashing out!

Hey, what do you know? We make money from American militarily screwed up countries in the Middle East!

We're already negotiating with the “new Iraqi democracy” for oil rights!

Selling weapons all over the globe to ensure civilian death and instability which in turn ensures a strong market for years and years...



America in Iraq - Jihad's Dream Come True
Bush claims that the toppling of Saddam's regime is a significant blow for terrorism. What Bush means by that statement depends on whatever phase of his war-rationale-discreditment America is struggling with at the time. Somehow, in his mind, Bush envisions that a triumphant victory in Iraq will dishearten Islamic fundamentalism who saw our military might as completely negating their capabilities and will quickly lose its appeal among the people. Or maybe he saw the war in Iraq as creating such fear among the middle east leaders that their sponsorship for terrorism would dry up. Or maybe he just figured people with bigger brains would work out the details as things went forward, a life approach that has served him handsomely until now.

The tragic irony is that the occupation of Iraq is serving the opposite purpose and in doing so, proving Bush to be one hundred and eighty degrees wrong. By now occupying two Islamic nations (a total population of 50,000,000 and falling), Bush is inflaming resentment for American hegemony more virulently than any wild-eyed mullah or ayatollah ever could. By rejecting international assistance, Bush is focusing the resentment directly on the United States of America, rather than diffusing it. With a patronizing exclusion of the subjugated citizenry in rebuilding the nations America has destroyed, we are ensuring we are sole targets of Islamic rage. Finally, by underfunding these initiatives we are guaranteeing stability will be much longer in attainment, if attainable at all.

Fundamentalist Islamic groups advocating violent resistance to America are noting a precipitous increase in their funding and their membership in response to Bush's measures. Bush's insistence on "staying the course" in the war on terror relies on the naive assumption that we can effectively kill, imprison or intimidate all anger against America. But all we're doing is creating more desperate angry people, and giving them a surfeit of reasons to focus their desperate anger on us.

The war on Iraq has produced a breeding ground for terrorism far beyond anything Osama bin Laden could achieve on his own. (See "The Flypaper Theory," below.)

Hype Before Health
EPA Inspector General Nikki Tinsley committed career suicide by ratting out the White House for yet another manipulation of fact in order to achieve political gain (in this case minuscule political gain.) As with too many other cases, the White House has endangered the well-being of millions of Americans in order to perpetuate an illusion. In this case, the White House pressured the EPA to delete cautionary statements and insert reassurances regarding the safety of the debris-laden air of southern Manhattan after the collapse of the World Trade Towers.

In fact, there were deep concerns in the EPA that PCBs, dioxins and other airborne carcinogens were far above safe levels in the months following the disaster. However within days of the disaster, the White House mandated that all EPA statements were to be routed through the National Security Council where they were modified and massaged to alter the scientific findings and reassure the public that the air was safe, despite an abject absence of corroborative fact.

Not surprisingly, people in lower Manhattan began experiencing significant respiratory ailments in the months that followed the collapse. Long-term health impacts have yet to be assessed. Once again, the Bush administration rewrites science in order to achieve its political goals, no matter the deleterious consequences to the health of America people.

Saddam's Growing Irrelevance Becomes Very Relevant
US forces are making progress capturing Chemical Ali, bodyguard bigshots and seem to be narrowing in on his mustached evilness. While fans of the war against Iraq will find this as WMD proof, the disconnect between the resistance and Saddam is growing more apparent with each attack. The Bushies are not so naive as to tout Saddam's capture as the end of all resistance. But, in the spirit of Jesse Jackson, their insistence that the persistence of the resistance is outsiders and/or from a small band of thugs is totally irrelevant.

As has been said by many others, the mess in Iraq is OUR mess. Blaming outsiders is missing the point. The mess has evolved on OUR watch. That Iraqis or non-Iraqis are attempting to create an environment of instability and anarchy is OUR issue to deal with. Thanks to the systematic alienation of all international organizations and the arrogant reluctance of America to a timely transition of responsibility to Iraqis, we stand alone as the catalyst of all the current Iraqi misery. The Iraqis feel no responsibilities for the current state of chaos, neither does the rest of the world.

The Rhinestone Cowboy let himself and by extension, America, get seduced by the corrupt ethics and rose-colored day dreams of Rumsfeld and Cheney. He was sold a Cliff Notes version of Georgie Potter in which Voldemort, as Saddam, is killed and the world rejoices in unison. Now we have a horrible mess on her hands, with Washington unable to rectify it, unwilling to accept substantive help, and only capable of uttering Hollywood reassurances that the troublemakers will be dealt with in vague and sinister ways.

The only good that come out of this mess now is the eventual sobering conclusion that military might can solve military problems, not political problems. Those require abilities which the Bush administration is utterly lacking and for which it is utterly unwilling to seek remedy.

Ashcroft Promoting Defense of Terror Law
That is, he's defending the law to curb terror, he is not providing a law called "the defense of terror law." I think.

Seems like the White House has been keeping John "2nd Place to a Corpse" Ashcroft deep in the White House sub-basement, after polls indicated Americans find him to be sensorily offensive. Poor piece of liberty-usurping scum has had plenty of time to work on the Powerpoint slideshow for the last piece of the Patriot Act trilogy, featuring cool animated graphics and .wav files that make metal cell door slamming sounds as bars get superimposed on cartoons of guys with long beards and angry expressions.

So he's parading around, claiming the Patriot Act is responsible for the sweeping lack of terror on Americans here at home (emphasis mine). Citing that the Act stands "to provide the security that ensures liberty" he shrewdly prioritizes security ahead of liberty. The thing we're taking away (liberty) is not possible without our excuse for taking it (security). Once again fear trumps reason.

I'm not sure what political benefits the Bushies seek to gain by scooting the 'croftster around the landscape, but perhaps it's in preparation for "Patriot Act III, Attack of the Machines."

The Flypaper Theory
Faced with the undeniable fact that the Iraq war is going horribly wrong, some war supporters insist it is quite the opposite. Yes, the revisionist explanation for the war is that it is now sucking Islamic terrorists out of their home turf into a battlefield of our choosing, namely, Iraq. The "Bring them on" comment is seen as the rallying cry to use American troops as bait. The purported strategic outcome is that it saps terrorists abilities to wag terror in their home countries and that it puts them all in a convenient bucket for our killing.

Wow. That's some damn deep diggin'.

Update on Liberia
Last week we spoke about the deployment of a mere 207 U.S. marines to Liberia as an example of Bush's hypocrisy. Before this week's issue even excited the phosphors of your screen, the troops were pulled back onto the boats waiting offshore.

I don't understand!?!?! I thought Human Rights were the last remaining justification for the Iraq war!?!?! What gives?!?!?!


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