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31 Mar 03
Chronicling the new Empire of America, the uber-Bully.
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Turd of the Week

Although clearly not the brains of the operation, George W. Bush deserves this week's turddom for his blind acquiescence of the ill-conceived and globally alienating battle plan. As Maureen Dowd notes in her recent NY Times editorial, "I know our hawks avoided serving in Vietnam, but didn't they, like, read about it?"

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The Quagmire Deepens
I think we'd all kind of hoped that with all its militant belligerence, the Bush Regime© knew how to plan and execute a war. If you're going to talk tough, we naively figured, you can back it up, given America's overwhelming military might. A week and a half has elapsed and the whole plan appears to have been based on Rummy's rose-colored assessments of Iraqi veneer of resolve and eagerness to confetti-festoon the American troops. Even this crap sickened pundit admits to figuring the military aspect of the campaign as being swifter and more decisive.

Now, with only a couple weeks of burned and bloodied body parts intermixed within the rubble of human tragedy, the pundits weigh in from all sides. Even the military are openly critical of the naively optimistic battle strategy which relies much more on out-of-touch Iraqi exiles and agenda-encumbered Israeli intelligence. Surprising everyone in the Bush Regime©'s war room, Iraqis are fighting back. As decided underdogs, they are using any means at their disposal - civilian/combatant intermixing, suicide bombing, coercion of troops - to hold off the crusaders long enough to ensure finality of the overwhelming global disgust with the Bush Regime©'s Power of Pride.

The Bush Regime©'s lip service to winning the hearts and minds of the Arab world through a swift and decisive victory in Iraqi is already a shameful and abject failure. The Arab world, including the millions of those who would have loved to have seen Saddam deposed, is overwhelmingly outraged by the irresponsible use of American force. Anti-American sentiment has grown from a fever pitch before the shock and awe began to a now deafening roar of outrage. Now that the Bush Regime©'s war planners have gotten their way by circumventing multilateral support, we stand alone as the target of global ire. We cannot diffuse the resentment among allies, rather we must absorb it in its most virulent and undiluted concentrations.

So now we hear rumors of a reappraisal of the strategies to date, but not any kind of admission that our expectations have been wrong. Now we're told that we'll be pulling troops back for a while to build up supply lines etc... In the meantime, we'll embark on a cataclysmic campaign of air-bombardment, which of course is less discriminating than soldiers on the ground. So, expect more "collateral damage" and the Anti-Americanism that will undoubtedly ensue, not unlike the sentiments that bore Al Qaeda's rabid rage.

Sponsors:


screw all the other stockholders, we're cashing out!


Hey, what do you know? We make money from American militarily screwed up countries in the Middle East!


We're already negotiating with the “new Iraqi democracy” for oil rights!


Selling weapons all over the globe to ensure civilian death and instability which in turn ensures a strong market for years and years...

Pitiful Lies, Part II
One of the most notable aspects of the Bush Regime© is the lip service of compassion that provides a flimsy, yet apparently effective smokescreen for cruel policies, both at home and abroad. Operation Iraqi AweShock is no exception. Here is a sample of this week's most insipid lies:

We are on, or ahead of schedule - I love this one! Okay, guys, what is the schedule that we're ahead of? We're told there's no timetable for this war! By implication, there's a schedule, but it's either not temporally based, or we're not allowed to see it.

The outcome of this war is certain - The political outcome of this war is far from certain and no one outside of the Bush Regime©'s and Hussein Regime's Ministries of Propaganda wants to predict anything. Just for grins, let's assume they mean the military outcome. Well, given that military outcomes include body counts, infrastructure damage and the euphemistic "collateral damage," those outcomes are highly uncertain. I suppose the final refuge of the truth-stickler would be that Saddam's ouster is certain. Although this crap-sickened pundit always figured that would be the case, Iraq's ability to prolong the slaughterfest starts to bring doubt to even that erstwhile inevitability.

A Detour into Hell
For reasons only a seasoned therapist could unearth, this crap-sickened pundit takes an occasional and highly masochistic journey into the depraved and hateful depths of AM talk radio. A recent trip into Limbaugh land revealed the following:

  • The only reason that American forces are bogged down is due to deliberate obstructionism of the Democrats in Congress. By pushing their agenda of tempering the Bush Regime©'s war lust, our military lost valuable time which could have been spent surgically removing Saddam's inner cadre of serpents. In this certain scenario, American forces would have been greeted as the liberators they are. But no, Democrats have crafted the current mess for their own evil gains.
  • Rush keeps referring to the captured oil wells as "ours." He believes Iraq oil now belongs to American interests as we've been the only ones to "put our butts on the line." Of course, we should cut off France, Germany, Russia and China for their refusal to join the coalition of the wilting.
  • A guest on the show depicted the enemy as "Islam" and insisted that Christianity would triumph. Rush heartily endorsed these opinions and labeled them as clear and truthful.

Now, I understand that this crap is ultimately entertainment and nothing more, but it is equally true that many of his followers, who call themselves "ditto-heads" in reference to their unflinching subservience to his hateful diatribes, adopt his bellicose opinions as their own.

This example is far from an isolated incident. American media is depicting the war in a far different light than European, Asian and Middle East news reportage. Mainstream American refusal to attribute significance to these differences could well lead to the most catastrophic consequences of our current crusade.

Halliburton is Already at the Trough
This war brought to you by Halliburton, the official oil field repair service of Operation Iraqi Fiefdom.

I feel so naive in thinking that the Bush Regime© would exercise just a wee bit of subtlety before dishing out war-borne perks to its corporate sponsors. What was I thinking? After an exhaustive RFQ process in which the Bush Regime© considered many different and highly competent firms to which the Oil-Field and Confetti Cleanup contract would be awarded, (the envelope, please...) the winner is... Halliburton! Wow, I don't if the Bush Regime© realizes it, but their very own Vice President has deep and lasting ties with the very same firm! What are the odds?

Editor's Note: Further research indicates that there in fact, was only one firm under consideration. Also, the NY Times revealed that Cheney, though no longer the CEO of Halliburton, receives a $1,000,000 per year stipend from the stipend, just for being a good guy.

Geneva Hypocrisy
The Iraqis are apparently showing images of POWs on television, which according to Rummy is in direct violation of the Geneva Conventions. These conventions, which as we all know from watching Hogan's Heroes reruns, provide rules for gentlemanly conduct during wartime.

Apparently, Rumsfeld has a case of selective laryngitis regarding those same conventions when applied to the thousands detained in Guantanamo Bay. If those detainees were considered either Prisoners of War or criminally accused, they would fall under the rules of the Geneva Convention or the rules of American legal system, respectively. But, the Bush Regime© created a new category for these detainees "Enemy Combatants" which enabled them to circumvent all existing guidelines for humane treatment of human beings. Instead, Ashcroft, Rummy and others got to create their own rules. Ain't it great to have the power?

The Price Paid
The pundits of Sick of this Crap deeply regrets the loss of:

  • Lt. Thomas Mullin Adams
  • Spc. Jamaal R. Addison
  • Cpl. Stephen John Allbutt
  • Sapper Luke Allsopp
  • Maj. Jay Aubin
  • Capt. Ryan Beaupre
  • Sgt. Michael E. Bitz
  • Lance Cpl. Brian Rory Buesing
  • Colour Sgt. John Cecil
  • 2nd Lt. Therrel S. Childers
  • Trooper David Jeffrey Clarke
  • Staff Sgt. Simon Cullingworth
  • Lance Bombadier Llywelyn Karl Evans
  • Lance Cpl. David K. Fribley
  • Cpl. Jose A. Garibay
  • Cpl. Jorge A. Gonzalez
  • Lt. Philip D Green RN
  • Lance Cpl. Jose Gutierrez
  • Cpt. Philip Stuart Guy
  • Marine Sholto Hedenskog
  • Sgt. Les Hehir
  • Sgt. Nicholas M. Hodson
  • Cpl. Evan T. James
  • Pfc. Howard Johnson II
  • Hospital Corpsman Third Class (Fleet Marine Force) Michael Vann Johnson Jr.
  • Staff Sgt. Phillip A. Jordan
  • Cpl. Brian Kennedy
  • Lt. Antony King
  • Sgt. Bradley S. Korthaus
  • Lt. Marc A. Lawrence RN
  • Flight Lt. Kevin Barry Main
  • Marine Maj. Kevin G. Nave
  • Lance Cpl. Eric J. Orlowski
  • 2nd Lt. Frederick E. Pokorney Jr
  • Sgt. Steven Mark Roberts
  • Cpl. Randal Kent Rosacker
  • Spc. Gregory P. Sanders
  • Capt. Christopher Scott Seifert
  • Mechanic (Comm.) Second Class Ian Seymour
  • Lance Cpl. Thomas J. Slocum
  • Lance Cpl. Barry 'Baz' Stephen
  • Maj. Gregory Stone
  • Warrant Officer Second Class Mark Stratford
  • Reserve Spc. Brandon S. Tobler
  • Maj. Jason Ward
  • Staff Sgt. Kendall Damon Waters-Bey
  • Lt. Philip West
  • Flight Lt. David Rhys Williams
  • Lt. James Williams
  • Lt. Andrew S. Wilson RN

...who are the Allied known fatalities to date (midday at 03/30/03). We also mourn the untold Iraqi dead whom we won't likely have names of ever.

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