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27-Jan-03
Chronicling the new Empire of America, the uber-Bully.
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Turd of the Week

We regretfully must honor the pathetic capitulation of Colin Powell, one of the few voices of sanity within the court-annointed President Bush's White house, for taking up the mallet and beating the war drum.

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Court-Annointed President Bush to Give Concession Speech on Tuesday
If you're like me, you're really looking forward to Tuesday's debut of the new hit comedy "President Simpleton Justifies an Increasingly Unpopular Killing Rampage." With the economy responding heartily to the administration's apathy, the obvious minor threat of Iraq to the US and the growing debacle that is North Korea, it will be interesting to see what sound-bite driven drivel will dribble out of the leader of the once-free world's pie-hole.

Prepare to be corrected from your ignorant assumption that the economy is hurting. You will learn that, in fact, it is strong and on its way to recovery, especially for folks who have contributed thousands to the GOP (and to the Dems, in fairness) and have yacht-upgrades hanging in the balance. So those of you who believe the economy is in trouble as evidenced by months of fruitless job searching will learn just how wrong you are.

Growing revelations of the court-annointed administration's advanced knowledge and subsequent bellicose bumbling of the Korean miasma are well documented in the current New Yorker (Thanks for the tip, Jimmy!). Turns out the North Koreans are trading death-dealing technologies with our faithful stalwart companions in the War on Te'r, Pakistan. Yes Pakistan, where most pundits assume Osama is chilling, where nukes are precariously teetering atop a highly unstable government, where the military leadership controls a good portion of downtown Islamabad and a few square kilometers surrounding the missle silos.


screw all the other stockholders, we're cashing out!


Hey, what do you know? We make money from American militarily screwed up countries in the Middle East!


We're already negotiating with the “new Iraqi democracy” for oil rights!


Selling weapons all over the globe to ensure civilian death and instability which in turn ensures a strong market for years and years...

Colin Powell Pays Heavy Price for Affirmative Action Outburst
Secretary of State Colin Powell publically broke ranks with Bush (the court-annointed President)'s suing the U of M Wolverines for promoting diversity. As punishment he was given a choice of lancing Cheney's secret-lair-induced bed sores or suckling the global domination teat. That teat is looking pretty savory, Colin. So the voice of maybe-we-should-consider-the-reality-of-this-hairbrained-scheme has given way to the standard administration party line that lack of a smoking gun is proof positive that they are successfully hiding a smoking gun.

Professor Pissed - She's back... and she's pisseder than ever!
Whose Choice?
There are some interesting and important points raised by those against abortion rights who have currently won a measure of reinvigorated social approval from the Bush administration's signalling of their willingness to pressure the judicial branch of our government to overthrow Roe v. Wade. More than anything, it is crucial to respect the deep and thoughtful questioning of how *life* is legally determined and the role of such determinations in legal decisions about abortion rights. Leaving aside the constitutional appropriateness of Bush's apparent merging of the legislative and judicial branches of government (the November 2001 election comes to mind as a case study of why this isn't a good idea), I assert that, aside from the above-mentioned point, there is almost no other aspect of the arguments in favor of overturning Roe v. Wade that is legally, logically, or otherwise defensible.

The most damaging aspect of most of the current expressions of opinion from those against abortion rights is the tendency vastly to oversimplify the discussion and willfully to overlook the extremely complex ethical questions that arise when a pregnant woman is not fit to sustain a pregnancy or to become a mother, or when the fetus is discovered to be profoundly damaged. Those on the right in this country think that by legislating against (or moralizing against -- *Just Say No*) premarital and/or unprotected sex, drug use, or other acts they deem *unsavory* they can make such acts disappear. Casual and/or unprotected sex will certainly not go away if we forbid open discussions about it -- it's existed since the beginning of the human race; furthermore, those who argue out of *Christian* principles (as so many who are against abortion rights claim to do) might think about being more compassionate about the consequences of these inevitable acts. The right wants to moralize casual and/or unprotected sex acts away, refuse abortion as a possible *out,* and then ultimately to cut funding on any programs that might actually educate teenagers about the risks of unprotected sex or take care of their unwanted offspring after the fact. Go figure -- this seems like a dim-witted and badly thought through sequence of positions that are incompatible with the Christianity I know.

Further complexities arise from a medical and ethical point of view. Is it ethical (is it *Christian,* since most of the opinions are expressed from this point of view) to insist that a woman bear a child against her will even when the fetus is known to be severely damaged? Is it ethical to insist that this child live in extreme pain and discomfort and, inevitably, die young? (Just because we now have the medical knowledge to keep such beings alive does not mean it's the right thing to do to force the mother to deliver them nor to force them to live.) Is it ethical to insist that a woman who has been raped, or that a girl who has gotten pregnant out of ignorance at a very young age, bear a child? Who is to legislate this since women do not have proportionate representation in the legislative and judicial branches of the government?

I raise these extreme cases because those who argue so passionately against abortion rights do not want to acknowledge the complexity of most cases in which abortion is chosen as an option. No one chooses abortion because it is desireable or fun. Clearly abortion needs to be regulated, and discussions about the meaning of life and the ethics of medical practices are crucial. But removing this option entirely, with a refusal to discuss ethical and medical complexities, is a recipe for disaster: many women will die. A refusal to acknowledge this inevitable consequence of overthrowing Roe v. Wade is hardly a *Christian* position to take, nor (overall) an ethical one.


Professor Pissed is a heterosexual mother of two, who drives a station wagon and enjoys Mexican food, while antagonizing "the man."

The Polls Pull Pols Back to Earth
According to scientific poll research taken during dinnertime across America, court-annointed President Bush enjoyed a 127% approval rating after September 11th, in recognition that he was the leader of a country that had been unjustly attacked. His masterful response to the attacks played heavily on World Wrestling Federation-type outrage of America beneath which his chronies sought to dismantle freedom, privacy while planning the ingenious transfer of America's rage from the elusive Bin Laden to the considerably more "lusive" Saddam Hussein.

Counting on America's complete disinterest in the details of foreign affairs, Bush stoked the tiny embers of Iraq's true menace to conflate them into a foe that was imminently defeatable, thereby conferring the status of noble warrior to Bush, while yielding some tasty crude. The rest of the world, notably more knowledgeable on international goings on than your average Joe Millionaire viewing SUV-hugger, expressed great outrage at the misguided and truly disingenuous aspirations of the Bush war machine, whose response was, essentially "Fuck those losers. We'll kick their asses if they don't like it."

But court-annointed-President Bush made a fatal calculation by extending operations far beyond our nation's Ritalin-adled attention span. Giving people a chance to compare unemployment lines to military supply lines and notice that we are going after the weakest spoke in the Axis of Evil while another spoke is brazenly taunting American... well, it's time to give Karl Rove a video camera, some Bald Eagles and a Reagan voice-over for some spectacular sabre-rattling commercials.

It seems the GOP was much more effective when they didn't control all facets of Washinton power. Polls are funny things, but the inertia behind his slide are not easily remedied.

Saddam weapon watch
Saddam is discouraging scientists from leaving the country for their moment in the sun with Hans Blix. Yea!! That's it, baby!!! The smoking gun!! Now we get to kill hundreds, probably thousands of civilians!! Three cheers for the Bush regime!!
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