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03 Mar 03
Chronicling the new Empire of America, the uber-Bully.
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Turd of the Week

Although W is probably permanently deserving, we like to mix thangs up a bit and give some props to my home girl Condi Rice. In her unceasing fight for human rights, she is pushing for an immediate invasion because the uncertainty of what lies ahead is unfair to our soldiers in the area.

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Acknowledging the Brilliance of Bush's Ministry of Propaganda
It's time that SOTC.com threw a bone to our leader and his staff of tireless patriots, each working countless hours without regard to any millions and billions of dollars they may or may not be ensuring themselves in the post-Bush boardrooms.

Yes, I gotta tip a 40 ouncer to our home boy's posse for the brilliant hijacking of the vocabulary of war. For the first time in American history, we're planning to attack a sovereign nation that hasn't struck first. This new preemptive approach to war is a watershed (No wait, what's bigger than a watershed? A water airplane hanger for the Spruce Goose?) in American history. We're even seeing the hype machine claim that this is just a continuation of Gulf War 1, as some sort of perverse logic that we now must invade to re-protect Kuwait.

But Bush's handlers have deftly avoided talking about the morality of preemptive war in which we attack nations because of the perceived possibility that they might attack us somewhere down the road if we don't. Instead, those of us in favor of exploring alternatives to immediate preemptive war are put on the defensive, being challenged for reasons not to invade. Brilliant!

Much as my evil big sisters would threaten to stick a needle in my eye as an inevitable consequence of having broken a promise under oath of "swear to God, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye," Bush's handlers insist that as Saddam has violated UN rez 1441, thus we have no choice but to invade.

Although it should be stated that Bush's media machinery is seemingly effective only among the Joe Millionaire numbed masses who prefer to do research on global affairs through bumper sticker perusal. The Europeans remain too damned informed, the prickly pinheads, to remain vulnerable to the mind-warp.

So, let's give credit where credit is due to this team of Goebbelses who have (with mixed success, it should be noted) framed the public debate around an American first strike war of cultural imperialism as one that is, despite Bush's undying love of peace, unavoidable.

This just in - In a freak break in the real anti-terrorist logjam, the FBI and Pakistani intelligence forces work together to actually catch a significant terrorist. This is truly good news. It will be of morbid interest to this crap-sickened pundit to watch the Bush war hype machine twist this into further justification for the war against Iraq.

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We're already negotiating with the “new Iraqi democracy” for oil rights!


Selling weapons all over the globe to ensure civilian death and instability which in turn ensures a strong market for years and years...

You Can't Buy Friends, but You Sure Can Rent 'em
Do you remember when the United Nations would vote on issues based on their ethical merit and global respect? Well, I'm not sure I do either, but this naive yet crap-sickened pundit feels especially nauseated by the Bush strategy to throw money at members of the Security Council in exchange for their yes vote on the UN resolution calling for the destruction of a nation preponderantly composed of children. Yep, fat aid packages for Cameroon, Angola and Guinea are being discussed while California, Arizona and Georgia state budgets are teetering on collapse.

So the UN Security Council is voting less on the morality of invading Iraq and more on "Whatcha got in that bag of goodies for me?"

Breaking News - Turkey's Parliament votes against allowing basing rights for American troops. Foreign Minister Yastir Yakis pleads the Parliament for a second vote after a phone call from Rumsfeld which ended with the closing observation, "Nice little nation you got there. It'd be a shame if anything happended to it..." click.

The Edukashin Prezdint
Well, I shouldn't pick on just Education, as Bush is impoverishing nearly ever domestic program including his own homeland paranoia initiatives in order to foot the bill to kill lots of Iraqi innocents. But if you're gonna make an omelet you've got to immolate thousands of children and/or break some eggs.

And of course, Bush is still pretending that we might not invade, thereby giving him full deniability on the cost of war. Rummy says we can't possibly predict the cost of war (I know, he's talking about money, but his point is so ironic in a broader sense). Administration middle managers have lost their jobs and a couple of fingers after guestimating a $100,000,000,000 price tag for the war, a figure that is now being bolstered by well-regarded think tanks.

So as our country's economy and governmental infrastructure is suffering at the hands of fools, we're throwing hundreds of billions of dollars at an enemy who we must destroy in order to plant and nurture the seeds of American interests.

Anybody Care About What's Going Down in Pyongyang?
Not that it's any big deal (compared to the imminent threat from the ultra scary Iraqis - oooh, I'm terrified), but just in case anyone is interested, the North Korean news agency says their nation is "fully ready to repel the US attack." Further, North Korea plans to take "a self-defensive measure when it thinks that the U.S. preemptive attack is eminent (sic)." But who cares about a guy with real nukes and a bellicose propensity to use them? Bush has Saddam, who possesses sheds the exact size as sheds which could house Anthrax and who possesses cylinders the exact shape as the missles that Bush draws on his notepad during those long boring briefing meetings.

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