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10 Mar 03
Chronicling the new Empire of America, the uber-Bully.
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Turd of the Week

Gotta stick with ol' reliable. After watching the hideous spectacle of George freewheeling it with reporters, oblivious to the questions being thrown at him, Georgie gets the brown jacket once more.

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Bush to World: "Go Fuck Yourself"
Thursday night, our emperor sought to have a real time folksy get together with tools of the liberal media, such as the Stalin-nostalgic Fox News and the tree hugging Cable News Network. It was interesting to watch members of the press ask mainstream yet mildly provocative questions about Bush's tunnel vision in his hellbent lurch toward war and to see his responses coming from the teleprompter as one of three canned nanospeeches prepared by the Office of Don't Say Something Really Stupid.

We learned that while Saddam is a liar, cheater and intent on blowing up America as soon as he gets the French to set up the smokescreen behind which he can finish off that nuke and send it over to Pleasantville America, North Korea, well... they have neighbors who are concerned, so it's some sort of regional conflict and not worthy of distracting us from Saddam, who I must remind you is a liar, cheater and intent on blowing up America as soon as he gets the French to set up the smokescreen behind which he can finish off that nuke and send it over to Pleasantville America.

We got to hear the vague bromides of the shining day of glory after the precision strikes take out the evil Iraqi seeds. In these glimmering days to follow, the Iraqi people will join hands in the streets, singing Ding Dong the Witch is Dead, drink a Pepsi/Coke (there's still ongoing discussion of the "Official Cola of the New Iraqi People" with bidding already at $25 mil) and then will decide for themselves that American style democracy is the global ideal. Shiites, Sunnis and Kurds will all join the Landover Baptist Church and learn to make brownies instead of those disgusting Falafel patties.

The French, Russians, Germans, Turks, Chinese, Guineans, Cameroonis, not to mention most of the British and Spanish, all of the Arabs and a good half of America? They're just wrong. Bush's job is to protect America and he will do whatever he thinks it takes, no matter much money we need to divert from addressing pressing social ills at home and nuke weilding maniacs across the world and next to Iraq.

Sponsors:


screw all the other stockholders, we're cashing out!


Hey, what do you know? We make money from American militarily screwed up countries in the Middle East!


We're already negotiating with the “new Iraqi democracy” for oil rights!


Selling weapons all over the globe to ensure civilian death and instability which in turn ensures a strong market for years and years...

It's Just a Routine Realignment of Forces, Nothin' to see.. Move along people...
Donald Rumsfeld, my favorite Hessian, has decided to move American troops away from the DMZ area separating the wonderful capitalists of South Korea from the Godless, evil, yet underappreciated North. Also, he is moving troops away from Soeul, which you may recall is the prime North Korean target should anything nasty go down.

No correlation has been give for moving US troops out of presumed paths of North Korean invasion routes and bombing areas. That's just a little old coincidence and we'd rather you focus on Saddam who is a liar, cheater and intent on blowing up America as soon as he gets the French to set up the smokescreen behind which he can finish off that nuke and send it over to Pleasantville America

Please Ignore The Deficit and Pay Attention to Saddam...
...who I should remind you is a liar, cheater and intent on blowing up America as soon as he gets the French to set up the smokescreen behind which he can finish off that nuke and send it over to Pleasantville America
.

So please focus on Iraq and pay no attention to these budget figures, directly purloined from the Congressional Budget Office's latest report: (Note: before printing this, ensure you have plenty of red ink in your printing cartridge)

2002 Deficit - $158,000,000,000
2003 Deficit - $287,000,000,000
2004 Deficit - $338,000,000,000
2005 Deficit - $270,000,000,000
2006 Deficit - $218,000,000,000
2007 Deficit - $173,000,000,000
2008 Deficit - $166,000,000,000
2009 Deficit - $153,000,000,000
Total Deficit from 2004 - 2008 - $1,164,000,000,000
Total Deficit from 2004 - 2013 - $1,820,000,000,000

Keep in mind this is just the difference in Bush's proposed spending and the expected income. This is not cumulative, which would of course wear out the zero key on my keyboard. Also, this does not include monies for the Iraqi war, the post war occupation, the occupation in Afghan and bribes to Turkey, Guinea and anyone else's curry we must favor in order to sate Bushie's blood lust.

One CBO analyst said, "We're now looking at deficits that will be large for the next five-to-10 years, and gargantuan thereafter."

So it appears that the evil pot-smoking sodomite whose budgets generated surpluses in the 90's from which America could grow strong, was part of the tax and spend mentality of the evil and weak Demoncrats. In contrast, the fiscally responsible, God-fearing and above all, mighty and above reproach Republicants are able to fund a gargantuan war machine, cut frivolous outlays to the whiney children and losers in poverty in exchange for a little bitty promissory note of $1,820,000,000,000 for our children to pay. But it can't be forgotten those children will never live in a world with Saddam who is a liar, cheater and intent on blowing up America as soon as he gets the French to set up the smokescreen behind which he can finish off that nuke and send it over to Pleasantville America.

After all, is one trillion eight hundred and twenty billion dollars to much to ask for the removal of a guy who might be able to create weapons that might be used against us?

Albany T-Shirt Guy
I don't know who the brilliant mall manager is who thought up this stunt, but the banning of patrons wearing peace endorsing garmentage has now transformed his mall into a haven for provocateurs wearing every kind of pachouli(sp?)-soaked, Bush-questioning body wrap known to hippiedom. Brilliant move. Out with the Gap, in with Whole Foods, Crystals 'n Things and Pagans' World!

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