Chronicling the new Empire of America, the uber-Bully.

Turd of the Week

For the second week in a row, TOW goes to Trent Lott, whose appearance on BET provided satire far more scathing than any humorist could conjure.

Dec 22, 2002

Crappy Holidays from the editors of sickofthiscrap.com!!!
There is no rest from crap chronicling, so we'll be scooping up the poop all holiday week folks. Who knows what evil will go on behind the curtain of our Christian celebration of increasing consumer debt? We will!

screw all the other stockholders, we're cashing out!

Hey, what do you know? We make money from American militarily screwed up countries in the Middle East!

We're already negotiating with the “new Iraqi democracy” for oil rights!

Selling weapons all over the globe to ensure civilian death and instability which in turn ensures a strong market for years and years...

Weapons of Mosque Destruction
Well, whaddya know? Despite the fact that Hans Blix and Co. are still in the early stages of Whack-a-mole, Bush sends his model of moderation Colin Powell to the front lines of the media battle to list the quibbling reasons why we have to invade and invade fast. Saddam is making a strong showing in the global press wars, but is unable to penetrate the viselike control held by Bush & Co. on the American media. Bonus points to the Bush team for perpetuating the liberal media myth all the while.

The stock market soars at the delicious thought of impending war and all the wonderful trickling down it will have on the remaining parts of the world that are not in the immediate path of the American war machine.

Lott Hoisted on his Own Flaming Cross
Poor Trent Lott, mired in pre-civil war nostalgia, becomes victim of the maniacal juggernaut of racial parity. His initial gaffe was trumped by his mouth shrouded foot-like explanations of his error. He wasn't talking about Strom's Dixiecrat party's antisegregation platform... No, he was talking about the well articulated Dixiecratic platform of national defense and anti-internet porn legislation. Yeah, that's it!

Then, his defense of voting against the MLK holiday? Well, we didn't really know who he was... Ignorance, long a favored excuse for Republican evil discovered, doesn't always work unless your name is Ronald or W.

Not even the Repubs swallowed that load of elephant diarrhea. His supporters were few and detractors most notable by their silence. But he's staying in the senate, so he can serve as a barnacle to the otherwise streamlined hull of Republican deceit.

Now he's claiming that his enemies set a trap (otherwise known as a microphone) because he's from Mississippi, he's conservative and he's (gasp) Christian. Yep, those Christians in America are always being persecuted by the evil Zoroastrians whose hegemony on political power is utterly stiffling.

Supreme Court Performing Sodomy     ...Analysis
What's up with the robed nine pondering the Texas sodomy statues? Last I heard they were contemplating an empty gesture for the gay-friendly liberal micro agenda by repealing this almost-never-enforced prohibition on private consenting adult behavior, so that they can eviscerate affirmative action and other government interventions bent on levelling the playing field.

Where are we with the feds in the bedroom, anyway? I'm not sure gay America can hold back its sexual desire for another decade.

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